Man, haven't done this for over 15 chapters.
Cover Story: Hercules on top of an animal, reading the new bounty
<Luffy is on top of the crocodile, heading to the center of the Minks, thinking hard>
Luffy: So Sanji is in trouble with Big Mom, and Kaido is making trouble in Wano... Should I be messing with two Yonkous at the same time? Even I know thatMs a bad thing... So I'll just beat up Big Mom, and then after that, beat up Kaido!
<Ussop slaps Luffy on the back of the head>
Ussop: LUFFY! WE'LL STILL BE FIGHTING OFF TWO YONKOUS!
Luffy: Yeah, but one at a time, instead of two.
Ussop: Damn it Luffy, that's barely any different from fighting both of them!
<Zou begins to shake, and Luffy is confused.>
Luffy: Hey, what's going on?
<Zou is being shot by dozens of cannon balls, and Jack is on the bow, snarling.>
Jack: DAMN IT! I WANT ZOU DEAD IN MINUTES! When shall it die?
Jack Pirate: At this rate, I believe in about an hour.
Jack: Hmm... What if I tried to kill it myself personally?
Jack Pirate: I say... 3 minutes.
<Jack gains a smirk under his mask, and leaps at Zou, with his two swords. He is on the elephants legs, and begins to slash it. The elephant screams, and the island shakes even more violently. Minks fall around, and Luffy is knocked off the elephant.>
Luffy: What's going on?!
<A group of Minks all gather, and head to the shore. They see boats, and Wanda growls.>
Wanda: Damn it... They're back... EVERYONE! We all have to repel them if we want to win! Pedro, BlackBack, find out why Zou is screaming. Everyone else, attack the boats!
<All the minks scream in unison, and head to the boats. Pedro and BlackBack jump to the legs, and run towards Jack.>
BlackBack: Man, I can't believe we can walk on Zou's legs. It always surprises me.
Pedro: Indeed. However, if we can walk on this, it means...
<Pedro and BlackBack are face to face with Jack, who is about to hack into Zou again. Jack notices the two minks, and growls.>
Jack: I hate being interrupted... Especially by little pests like you damn minks. However, this time, I'll finish what I should have started, and kill every single Mink here. Including the women and children.
<Roddy is on one of the main boats, and back slaps one of the Pirates.>
Roddy: I'm going to make these assholes suffer for what they did to Zou and the Minks!
<Roddy storms through them, and one of the Pirates becomes a bull.>
Bull Pirate: Heh heh heh, you damn minks stand no chance. You think those Gifters were bad? They're failures compared to us, the 'Ascended'. Just one ascended is as strong as a 100 Gifters, and one gifter is as strong as 10 pleasures. So, that means I' the equivalent of a thousand pirates!
<The two bulls charge at each other, and Roddy is matched with him.>
Roddy: Damn, I hate to admit it... But he's strong... Even stronger then some of the minks...
<Roddy lifts his head, and throws the pirate aside.>
Roddy: BUT DON'T YOU DARE UNDERESTIMATE ME ASSHOLE!
<Wanda is on Zou, sniping pirates, when Ussop comes in, and is holding his slingshot>
Wanda: Are you a good sniper?
Ussop: No. I'm one of the best.
<Ussop fires his slingshot, and smashes into a few Gifters, knocking them out.>
Wanda: Amazing, he hit 5 men with one hit... He's quite good. Better not fail in that aspect.
Nami: LIGHTING BOMB!
<A small cloud shaped like a bomb smashes a boat, and explodes in electricity. Every pirate there is shocked, and over half fall down. The rest are buzzed, but one laughs.>
???: HOT DAMN, I LOVE ME A GOOD BUZZ!
<The man is a tall slender man, with a tattoo of a skull on his chest, a gold beak mask on his face, and is wearing a speedo.>
'Skiddo: Gold Face. Bounty: 442 million'
Ascended: Oh shit, Skiddo is happy!
Gifter: Wait, is that bad?
Ascended: Last time he was happy, he killed 80 pirates.
Ascended: All of whom were our guys! He doesn't discriminate in battle. HeMs easily one of the deadliest Ascended.
Skiddo: I'm going to tear these Minks apart! I'm so damn glad I met up with Jack after attacking those admirals!
<A few boats are heading to Zou, with one with binoculars noting a boat>
Pirate: SIR! JACK IS FOUND!
<Jacks boat is wrecked, with a meteorite on top of the boat, and a him at fist print on the boat. Jack is on the bow, covered in wounds, and is even shaken>
Jack: Grr... Skiddo...
<Skiddo suddenly appears on Jacks boat, and chuckles, poking Jack in the stomach>
Skiddo: So, you got your ass kicked?
<Jack smashes Skiddo onto the ship, and snarls>
Jack: SHUT UP!
<Skiddo stands up straight, uninjured>
Skiddo: My, If I didn't use my Devil Fruit, I'd be dead!
Jack: Damn, let me try again.
Skiddo: No thank you! So, did you get Doflamingo.
Jack: You won't believe this... But he escaped.
Skiddo: THAT'S GREAT!
Skiddo: Well, still, who knew Jack would be so angry! Now, I better Alleviate my anger. Now, it seems I have to go skin me some minks! I always wanted to wear Mink!
<Skiddo is suddenly on the Mammoth, and is face to face with Roddy.>
Roddy: How are you so fa...
<Skiddo kicks Roddy in the face. Skiddo is in hybrid Cheeta form, and grinning madly>
Skiddo: TIME TO TEAR A DAMN ANIMAL APART!
<Skiddo notices a bullet, and catches it. Wanda is amazed, and Skiddo crushes it with his fingers.>
Wanda: Impossible... Not even the fastest Minks can catch that bullet... How fast can he be?
Skiddo: Oh, so a lovely lady tried to kill me?
<Skiddo grins, and attacks every Mink on the Mammoth. He knocks all but Sicilian out in an instant. Skiddo grins, and notices a scratch on him.>
Sicilian: DON'T YOU UNDERESTIMATE A MINK!
Skiddo: OOH! I just found a hat!
<BlackBack is thrown aside, and is knocked out. Pedro is on his knees, and Jack is breathing hard.>
Jack: Damn it... I could have killed you by now if I was at full power... But instead, I can barely attack without being exhausted. I'm just going to have to kill you in the most violent way possible to make up for this.
Pedro: How... How can you... HOW CAN YOU KILL US?! WHY?!
Jack: Why? Do you think I enjoy this? Well, I don't.
Jack: I do this for one reason, and one reason only... SO MASTER KAIDO CAN CREATE THE ULTIMATE WAR ON THIS WORLD!
Pedro: But... MILLIONS WILL DIE!
Jack: Yes... But billions will live.
Jack: A war so devastating, it shall end all wars. Peace is but an illusion. Only through the ultimate war, shall people like Me be gone from this world.
Pedro: BUT YET, YOU KILL US?!
Jack: Yes, to have Raizo. By having him, we can find One Piece, and have the marines forced to wage war on us. Once the war is over, no one shall die.
Pedro: YOU'RE INSANE!
Jack: I am. I plan to use it well. Now, I shall kill you, Kill Zou, find Raizo, and then we can have plan three commence. Now... DIE FOR ULTIMATE PEACE!
<Jack is about to slice Pedro, when he's kicked in the face. Jack is forced back, and notices who kicked him. Gear second Luffy>
Luffy: Die for ultimate peace... HOW DARE YOU TRY TO KILL EVERYONE HERE AND SAY THAT YOU SUPPORT PEACE!
Jack: You can't end war with hugs and smiles brat, only through death can we learn.
Luffy: I'm not smart, but I do know one thing. Not to debate this with insane people. I just plan to kick your ass.
Nekomamushi: Not bad kid. I like your resolve.
<Nekomamushi and Inuarashi stand close to Luffy, decked out in full armor.>
Inuarashi: Stand down Pedro. You fought long and hard. It's time we finish this Jack.
Nekomamushi: I couldn't agree more Inu.
Luffy: Jack... WE'RE GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!