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CCC time! Since I'm too young to drink, I deprived myself of dinner so I could write this blog "somewhat accurately."
Sometime that completely conflicts with established canon, Monkey D. Luffy (Gumby), Roronoa Zoro (Skipping Mihawk's classes again to go drinking), Trafalgar Law (The Water Boy) Eustass Kid (Babe Magnet), Basil Hawkins (Everything straw except the hat), X Drake (Your Xtinction), Scratchmen Apoo (Dropper of the bass), Jewelry Bonney (Dermatologists hate her), Capone Bege (Alcatraz reincarnated), Urouge (The Dope), and the ONE, THE ONLY,
decided to meet up and get to know their fellow Supernovae. An invitation was extended to Blackbeard, but no response was heard from him ever since Luffy carried the letter to the post office (seems legit).
However, Urouger brought a kid along with him. "This is my son, Burouge. I had to watch him tonight. Don't ask me any more questions."
The other Supernovas: Eh, OK.
Of course, things got heated quickly, and the Supernovae started battling as soon as they got seated. That's right. You know what this means?
But first, a message from our very own BASIL HAWKINS.
"Before we drink, I will look into the future to see if this is a good idea."
And so Hawkins slooooowlyyyy pulled out his cards, while the other Supernovae were looking at him somewhat annoyed. Hawkins looked at his cards, and had an immediate reaction. To quote my friend Enel:
Hawkins then ran away from the bar, screaming like Usopp having met Big Mom. The other Supernovae look at his cards.
Luffy: Why'd he get so scared? It's just 3 sixes and 2 Jokers.
Kid: No idea. Anyone object to putting his credit card number on the tab?
Urouge: ALL RIGHT! NOW LET'S DRINK UNTIL OUR BODIES DISSOLVE INTO BEER!
The drinking contest then begins. The Supernovae prove they're not called Supernovae for nothing, as Scratchmen Apoo is finally the first one to pass out at 54 glasses.
It's a tight finish between Zoro, Capone, and Law! The crowd has gathered around cheering, since the bar ran out of beer long ago, so what else could they do? Oh! Down goes Capone! It's neck and neck between Zoro and Law, and neither looks fazed despite the nearly 300 drinks they've had? But what's this? Zoro has fallen out of his stool! It's Law's victory!
Law: Silly Supernovas, you should've known that I could use my Devil Fruit to filter all the alcohol out of my blood.
Looks around at the other collapsed Supernovas.
Damn, being drunk looks pretty fun. What the hell, I'm joining in too!
And so all of the Supernovas pass out, but not for long! For what's the fun in drinking if you can't make stupid decisions in the process?
Bargoers: Hey! Why are we kids?
Bonney: Cause kids are so CUTE! hic! They're so delicious, I could just eat them all up!
Kid: Oh shit.
All the bargoers rush out in fear, due to a very large elephant in the room, or should I say dinosaur!
Drake: WHERE IS THE BEER? ROAAAAR!
In the end, due to Drake eating the infrastructure, Apoo playing contorted Death Metal, and Kid pulling the TV into his face, the bartender shouts OUT!, and the bouncer, who just happened to be Bellamy looking for a day job to pay his hospital bills, literally bounced them out.
Urouge: Well sh't, what're we supposed to do noww...?
Zoro: Let's go git that swords guy, Mihawkk! Hes no match for me now!
Killer: Youu know...why don't we depose a Yonkoo....?
Law: Ooh! Oh! Kaidooo! We've a 100 purcent chance of beating him..!
Bonney: Kaaido it is then! Oh, I just love beastly men!
Kid: Everyone on my ship! New World or bust, buggers!
And so the Supernovae piled into Kid's ship. However, it seemed none of them had paid attention to the school seminars about getting behind the wheel.
Apoo: Last I checked, Kaido didn't live on the Red Line...
Law: This ain't no problem! Room: Shamblessssss!!!!!
The entire Red Line rises up out of the ground, eliminating all life on pretty much all surrounding islands.
Law: Go spin!!!!
The Red Line goes spinning round and round! How exciting is that? Meanwhile, all the world nobles in Mariejois are shooting the ground to get it to stop spinning.
Meanwhile, Fisher Tiger had prepared to unleash his assault, because fuck continuity, however he was thrown off, sustaining heavy wounds in the process. Arlong, his most devoted protege, immediately declared war on all spinny things? Why? NOTHING.
And so, Kidd's ship was thrown off the Red Line, and Mariejois somehow got flipped over onto the ocean floor. Oh well.
SAKAZUKI: EXACTLY AS PLANNED!
Kidd's ship then touched down, and sailed 654 miles until it flung upward, once again, and it fell...fell...landed....landed right on Outlook III's house, killing everyone.
OUTLOOK III: SABO...SABO, I BEG OF YOU, USE YOUR FANSERVICE RESURRECTION SKILLS TO BRING ME BACK! PLEASE!!! GACK-
Pell: Well, that was an unusual occurrence at my buddy Outlook's house...luckily I'm alive as usual!
Bonney: CURSE YOU, KIDD! WE'RE IN THE EAST BLUE! EAST BLUE! YOU WON'T FIND A DAMN YONKO IN THE EAST BLUE! KIDD...KIDD...KID! Turns Kid into, well, a Kid
Urouge: Bug off, bastards! Punches a hole in the floor, sending him and all the other Supernovas crashing through several floors.
Luffy: Huh? Where are we?
Kaido: Who's there?
Law: What the heck? Kaido?!
Kaido: In the flesh. What I'd like to know is, what are you doing at my place in the middle of the night? You woke me up from my beauty sleep!
Drake: Wait a sec...you live here, God Kaido? I thought you were in the New World!!
Kaido: The New World's too scary...a beast's gotta take care of himself and his pets. I let Scotch do all the work.
Killer: What're we waitin' for! Let's depose him already!
Kaido: You wanna go? Let's go!
Killer hits Kaido and knocks him out immediately.
Drake: Now what'd you have to do that for? Kaido's my idol!
Killer: Since I knocked him out, I do hereby claim Kaido's Yonko position.
Law: What're you going on about, ya bugger? 'Twas my idea!
Kid: You adults have fucked up the world, so I say...give the young a chance!
Bonney: Avast! He's even more annoying as a kid! *Transforms Kid into an old man*
Kid: My grandaddy always told me I was a loser!
Bonney: Fuck this. *Kills Kid*
Oda: Wait! You can't just kill one of my main characters! I had plans for him!
Bonney: Fuck you too! *Kills Oda*
Zoro: YOU KILLED ODA! YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? WE DON'T EXIST ANYMORE!
Drake: Fuck it, we're drunk! The rules don't apply to us!
Some Liberal: Hey! Everything going white is racist!
Voice from the sky: That better for you?
Liberal: I'm still offended! *Dies because I feel like it*
Suddenly, a man waving a banner comes running across the nothingness.
Suddenly, Harold comes with his purple crayon, and draws the One Piece world in all purple, because purple is COOL! The Supernovas come back into existence, inside some ship's brig.
Luffy: Helloooo? Who's holding us?
12th Supernova: No Supernova gets drunk better than me, dammit! I hereby sentence you to a lifetime of sobriety!
The 11 Supernovas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Apoo: My drunkenness is fading! Some one! Think of a solution!
Bege: I have just the solution! Jump into me! The Supernovas do so.
Zoro: Holy mother of fucks! You got a sex dungeon in here!
Bege: Yep! I got all those lovely ladies and gents in me so we can do some shenanigans, amirite!
All the Supernovas jump inside Bege and hound the lovely ladies for hours on end, although Bonney and Law have more of a taste for the gents. Suddenly, Bege realizes that he himself can't enter his sex dungeon!
Bege: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THE RULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEESSSSSSS!
He leaps into his own body. Don't ask me how. Not a trace of the Supernovas remains in Nova's brig.
For the next 145 hours, the Supernovae have mind-blowingly fun sexual shenanigans, until they reach the point where they cannot locate anyone's body parts. So they, mostly sober, decide to leave. One problem. Bege is inside himself. They can't.
However, the lovely ladies and gents of the sex dungeon make an offer. The Supernovae can leave, but one of them must be sacrificed to the Gods of Eternal Virginity. The Supernovae look among themselves.
They then look at Burouge.
Who still has enough energy to keep his sexual shenanigans going.
All of them except Urouge look at each other and nod.
Urouge: No! Please don't sacrifice him!
Hawkins: The kid must die to appease our desires. It has been foretold.
Luffy: HUH? When'd you get here, Hawkins?
Hawkins: Blame crap storytelling. I've apparently always been here. I'm not complaining though. I never thought straw sex could be so delicious.
Bege stabs Burouge in his manhood, completing the ritual. They are all sent back to Sabaody.
Killer: Ah, it appears as if we're sober again.
Urouge: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please! I swear I didn't intend this to happen!
???: Too late...you know what happens when you disappoint me, Urouge-baby!
Urouge: NO! I am NOT letting this relationship continue! I'm killing myself right now! *Kills himself right now*
Luffy: Well...Guess I better find my crew!
Drake: Where'd you leave them?
Luffy: Hmmm...oh wait! Dressrosa!
Meanwhile, on Dressrosa, the newly formed Doflamingo's dancers are performing.
Nami: Let us go already!
Doflamingo: If I can't lash out my emotional disturbance on your captain and Law, then I have to do this! KEEP DANCING!
Zoro: Well, we're screwed. No point in joining them.
Luffy: What else are we going to do, then?
Law: Whelp, I'm in the mood for another drink. How 'bout you guys???
Everyone that's not dead: Sure, why not.
Drake: First, however, it may be wise to kill the author who put us through these stupid adventures.
Wait, whasf hgxjhlhlbjjghcxfghhkgjh gotaa...click...publish..*dies*.