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Gatz: The second inning is about to get under way. Spandam steps up to the plate, wielding both a bat and Funkfreed. What's he doing? He's tying the bat to the blade of his sword.
Spandam: Funkfreed, take care of this for me.
Funkfreed transforms into a full elephant, the bat tied to his trunk.
Gatz: Spandam is having Funkfreed bat for him? He seems to be making a point of keeping a hand on his elephant. This is because Funkfreed, and by extension the bat, are still considered an object, so Spandam must keep his hand on Funkfreed in order for it to count as an at-bat and not a pinch hitter. I've heard of a batter crowding the plate, but never the bat.
Usopp is staring at Robin while flexing his hand. She nods in understanding.
Gatz: Here's the pull back, and the pitch...
Robin: Dos Fleur: Catch and Release.
Gatz: Something appears to be bothering Funkfreed! He's thrashing about. The ball bounces off Funkfreed's back and goes back behind the plate where Robin has caught it. Due to Spandam's technicality in using Funkfreed, he is out.
Spandam: Damn you, you stupid obese anteater!
Gatz: Spandam stomps back to the dugout as Kumadori takes the plate, clutching what appear to be four bats with his hair. It appears the umpire is telling him he can only use one bat, much to the batter's annoyance. He is doing something else with his hair now. He is spreading it out so it stretches well beyond the plate, blocking any chance Robin may have of catching the ball. This barrier does come witha toll it seems, and that is Kumadori's batting stance.
Kumadori (standing behind the plate, holding the bat like a sword):
I, the samurai
Stand, awaiting my foe's move.
Come at me, broseph.
Usopp: If this guy wants to walk, fine, but why should I be totally cooperative? Luffy!
Usopp (cocking his head toward the plate): Left, right, or middle?
Luffy: Uh, middle!
Gatz: I wonder what that was about? Usopp pulls back the pitch. This seems like an easy walk.
Gatz: Oh, sweet mother of Enel, that looked like it hurt. Usopp, unhappy with Kumadori's dirty trick, pulls one of his own. He sent the pitch right to Kumadori's "little bat" and the pitch hit its mark!
Umpire: Take your base.
Gatz: Kumadori is now stumbling to first, trying to work through the pain.
Lucci (gesturing to Kumadori while pincing his fingers): Ump...
Umpire: Go ahead.
Gatz: And it looks like Rob Lucci is going to be Kumadori's pinch runner, much to the irritation of the Straw Hats. CP9 has one out and a man on first as Fukuro steps up to the plate. Fukuro's size and stature seem to make it difficult for Usopp and Robin to see each other properly.
Robin: Hey, Fukuro, I heard an interesting rumor about your boss...
Fukuro (not breaking focus) And what might that be?
Robin: I heard Spandam has been dating one of the women in CP4.
Gatz: Strike one.
Fukuro: Damn you, distracting me...
Robin: Then I guess you don't want to know the rumor I heard about Kalifa...
Fukuro: Not gonna work.
Robin: So I guess you dont' want to know which Cipher Pol leader she's dating?'
Gatz: Usopp lets loose and...
Robin: The leader of CP...
Gatz and Robin: Two.
Gatz: I don't know what kind of mind games Robin is playing with him, but it is working.
Kumadori: Shit, I gotta make some progress.
Gatz: Kumadori is stealing second!
Gatz: He is already half way to second base!
Brook (holding out his hand): Oh Hell no!
Gatz: Using the powers of the netherworld, Brook stops Kumadori mere inches from the base. Usopp throws him the ball and he is out. Usopp gets ready to strike out Fukuro.
Robin: And you have no idea whose wife with whom Zoro was caught with his pants down...
Fukuro: How many swords does that guy have?
Robin: 3. You're out.
Fukuro stomps away, furious.
Gatz: Spandam takes the mound as the pirates go to the dugout, and Usopp takes the plate with a bat that looks oddly like his kabuto. Spandam sends his pitch hard and fast. Usopp catches it in the sling and swings his kabato, letting it loose. The ball goes high toward left center field. Nero and Kalifa both jump for it but both are coming up short. Kalifa seems to be determined to get that ball. She kicks off Nero's face, using geppo to get up and grab that ball. And Usopp is out.
Usopp: Damn rokushiki.
Gatz: Next up is Nico Robin. She takes the plate and Spandam wastes no time sending a pitch with a lot of heat her way. She seems unfazed and sends the ball flying high toward center field. Kalifa seems ready for it and it looks like we're about to see another out.
Kalifa (turning around): That's sexual hara- what?
Gatz: It looks like Kalifa thought someone was touching her backside while 30 feet in the air. It seems to be a knee-jerk reaction, even though no one is there. Though Robin seems strangely pleased with herself as she jogs to first. We'll be back in a moment after a word from our sponsors.
Nami: Team huddle around first. They're killing us with all this rokushiki they're doing. Robin is the only one who can do anything about it but only when she's at bat. What do we do?
Zoro: Overpower them. It'll be no problem for me, Luffy, and ero-cook if he can aim right.
Sanji: Shut up you-
Nami: Zoro's right, we have to maximize our own strengths. Chopper, take advantage of your forms. Usopp, pull some non-projectile shenanigans. Franky, maybe try to modify your bat into a cannon extension.
Luffy: What will you do?
Nami: Let me worry about that. Alright. Mugi team on 3 and break. Ready? 1 2 3
Everyone: Mugi team!
Nami: And break.
Gatz: And we're back. Coming to the plate is Roronoa Zoro, wielding three bats. As with Kumadori, I'm guessing the ump won't allow it. Wait, he is? Zoro handed him a piece of paper. Is it a blatant bribe? No, I'm being told Zoro is allowed to use three bats because he has a note from his doctor.
Chopper (looking cocky as all hell): The fuck you looking at?
Gatz: Zoro takes a fighting stance and Spandam lets loose a pitch with a lot of pepper.
Zoro: 3 bat style, Tatsu Maki!
Gatz: It's out of the park! The outfield is completely caught off guard! Zoro is running like a man possessed! He's going to overtake Robin!
Nami: ZORO, DON'T OVERTAKE HER! SHE HAS TO CROSS HOME PLATE FIRST! A HOME RUN MEANS YOU DON'T HAVE TO HURRY!
Sanji: FOLLOW ROBIN, STUPID!
Gatz: Robin and Zoro touch home plate, making the score 2-1, Straw Hats. Next up is the captain, Monkey D. Luffy. He seems to be taking Nami's pep talk to heart. His arms are steaming from Gear 2nd as he awaits his pitch. Spandam lets loose with a wild pitch, and Luffy's indifference could not be more apparent. Luffy swings and it's a line drive! It crashes into the center field wall. Kalifa is trying to wrench the ball out of the wall. Brute strength does not seem to be working so she is trying to soap it. Luffy is rounding first. Kalifa has the ball free. Luffy sees this and safely stretches to second. Last in the rotation is Nami.
Zoro: So Robin, what's Nami going to do to improve her swing?
Robin: About that, she couldn't think of a way to use her weather the way we did with our own abilities.
Zoro: So what's she going to do?
Gatz: Nami looking oddly flirtacious. Is she...Yes, she is using the bat to lift her shirt. Spandam has just gazed upon a sacred site. He has a nosebleed and can't control his own body. He himself throws the ball. His pitch can actually be comparable to Nami, because he throws like a girl. Ball one....Nami is now walking to first, having forced the pitcher to botch his throws. We're now at the top of the Straw Hat order, meaning Chopper is up to bat.
Chopper: Arm Point!
Gatz: Chopper is now ready having enteredd is arm point. Here's the pitch. It's nice and right over the plate. A ground ball to the shortstop. Fukuro throws to first, and Chopper is out. Jabra throws to Second, and now Nami is out! Double Play! But wait, some commotion is going on at home plate. It's Luffy! During the excitement Luffy was able go from second all the way home! With that great play, we end the second inning, Straw Hats: 3, CP9: 1.