One Piece Encyclopedia


Luffy vs. Caesar: Dances with Clowns

Sup, this is my prediction for how the Luffy vs. Caesar Clown fight will go down, starting from where 665 left off. I'm intending it to be serious, with possibly only a few slight dips into the inane, with an even more miniscule chance of dipping into musical theatre (ok, probably not). Anyway, enjoy.

Luffy: So, biggy, you gonna give us a ride to the building, or do we have to walk?

BB: Hmph.

Robin: He's not cooperating. Should I convince him?

Luffy: Nah, I'm feeling generously merciful, we can walk.

Robin: So, who else is going. You, me, Usopp...

Franky: Fine, I'll go too. Someone's gotta make sure you guys don't die.

Usopp: Are you sure? Even with another body?

Franky: Yeah, I've gotten the basic idea of how the transformations work, now I just have to futz with it til i find the right ones.

Luffy: Alright then, let's go.

Nami: Be careful.

They head off toward the research

Robin: I wonder how Brook and the others are doing?

Luffy: They're probably fine. Nothing to worry about.

They reach the building.

Luffy: That door seems heavy, allow me to-

Franky: Strong Right!

He jumps over Luffy, executing a perfect Jumping Point and Arm Point and breaks the door in.

Franky: I'm really getting the hang of this new body!

Luffy: I'll say, you may not have to change back after all.

Robin: So much for subtlety, but it's not like it's anything new. Shall we?

Usopp: You three lead the way, I caught "gotta be fourth in line disease".

Inside the building.

Clown: Did you hear something?

Monet: Probably just the centaurs, running through the rubble, making a bunch of noise.

Law: This sounded closer than that. Do you think I should check it out?

Clown: Please do, Trafalgar.

Law leaves, going down the hallway toward the door.

Robin: Stop, I hear someone. Get against the wall!

They try to conceal themselves.

Law: Luffy, I can see you guys between those pipes. You kind of stand out with your coats.

Luffy: Trafalguy! Good to see you.

Law: I can only guess why you're here.

Usopp (looking somewhat like a bishounen): We came to challenge the master.

Law: Figured as much. Do you know who you're challenging?

Luffy: Nope.

Robin: Not a clue.

Usopp: Completely winging it.

Franky: What they said.

Law: Ok, here's what you need to know.

Law explains everything that has already been told to the reader about Clown and Monet.

Usopp: So I did see a bird girl!

Luffy: Wow, weird guy. Should be fun though.

Law (reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out gas masks): You four, take these. They may help.

Luffy (taking his and pocketing it): Thanks. Hey, if you're working with this guy, why are you helping us?

Law: I would say it's because I like you, but I'm going to tell you the truth. This guy is holding my crew hostage on another island, and is threatening to kill them unless I help hide his actions from the government. Apparently Shichibukai cover is essential to his plan. He tried to jump two other members before me: Donquixote Doflamingo and Bonn D. Role, one of the new guys. I want him stopped as much as you do. I sent word to the other Shichibukai, they know where the island is and are willing to help once I give the go ahead, and I'll only do that once Clown is out of the picture. Bartholomew Kuma and Catastro Fice are on standby at islands near where my crew is, waiting for me to give the signal. This was all organized in the last couple days, even Boa Hancock is helping by keeping the government's attention diverted by committing ostentacious atrocities. The Shichibukai are more friendly to one another than they were before the war, so it's good they're helping. Your timing is perfect.

Luffy: I'm glad we could help. I'll give him one for you too.

Law: I really appreciate it. Now, if you'll excuse me (smirks), I have to examine the source of a noise akin to a door being kicked in.

He walks off.

Luffy: Well guys, let's go.

They keep going

They arrive at the main chamber. Clown is in one corner fiddling with a machine, Monet is right next to him. Both have their backs turned to the Straw Hats.

Luffy: Ehem.

Clown (not looking up): So Law, did you find what that noise was?

Luffy: Yeah, it was us!

Clown and Money both turn around in shock.

Clown: Well well well, if it isn't some of our intruders. I guess we should welcome them properly.

Robin: The only greeting you're getting is a cold one out the door. Caesar Clown, your actions are beyond sick and disgusting. We're going to end this little science project of yours, and you with it.

Monet: My my my, someone sure is feisty.

Clown: Cute, but boring. Guards!

Hundreds of guards in hazmat suits come rushing in, guns drawn.

Robin: Mono Fleur.

An arm sprouts on the back each thigh of every guard.

Robin: Ignition!

Her hands grab the calves and twist them violently, detaching the kneecap. All the guards fall to the ground in pain, passing out due to shock.

Clown: I get the distinct impression you're going to be difficult. Fine. Monet, deal with the peanut gallery, Straw Hat is mine.

Monet: With pleasure.

Usopp: No way girly, I'm taking you on no ifs, ands, or buts. Robin, you're my backup.

Robin: Consider it done.

Monet: Teeheeeheee. Ok, but not here, follow me.

They leave.

Franky: Luffy, let me help you here. This guy used to know Vegapunk, and I studied all of his designs on Karakuri. I know how a mad scientist thinks.

Clown: How dare your say that name in front of me!

He gasifies and flies towards Franky.

Clown: See what happens when I'm reminded of my failures!

Luffy: Gomu Gomu no Koka Pistol!

He hits Clown, completely blindsiding him, sending him flying into some equipment.

Clown: So that's how it's gonna go down. Fine (punches a button). You'll make great test subjects.

Gas starts to come down from the ceiling.

Clown: This is my crowning achievement in painless torture, Klyzon-C. Or, as I like to call it, Lullaby of the Nightmare! You should be feeling sleepy right now. When you succumb, you'll be plagued with nothing but your worst nightmares that will pick at you until you're begging for death!

Luffy: It tingles on my skin, RIFLE!

Luffy's hands come out of the mist and hit Clown square in the chest, sending him into a wall.

Clown: But, how did you.

Luffy walks forward, revealing he has a gas mask on.

Clown: Damn it. Where's Law/

Luffy: Oh, Trafalguy said these might come in handy before going to investigate the noise we made kicking in the door.

Clown: Damn that Law! I knew he would try something like this. Well, we'll just see how he likes it without a crew!

He goes to the table for the Den Den Mushi, only to find it's not there.

Franky (also wearing his mask, holding up the snail in gorilla form): Looking for this?

Before Clown can answer, Franky's hands become a blur as he disassembles and destroys every attachment on the phone, leaving the snail completely unharmed.

Franky: Got bad news for ya, it's broken. I'm gonna name it Rex.

Clown: Damn it! You'll pay for this! No more fooling around.

He turns to gas, grabs Luffy and Franky, and flies up through an open vent in the ceiling. They are in a small, dome-shaped room with no windows.

Clown: This here is the Pressure Room. If one of my subjects is naughty, I take them here to discipline them. Normally I use denser gas, to the point where they cannot breathe or they feel like their head will cave in. But I have something different in mind for you two. This room is completely closed off and semi-bombproof, inside and out. So, I'm going to emit natural gas until this room becomes a pressure cooker and explodes! You'll die first, but who doesn't like a good contained explosion?

Franky: I can do that too.

Luffy: Fine, then I'll have to bust out of this room.

Clown: Didn't you hear what I said? That's impossible. Nothing short of a bomb can-

Luffy: Gomu Gomu no Red Hawk!

He punches Caesar, causing an explosion to erupt from his back, igniting the gas already emitted. The force of the attack causes Caesar to be blasted through the wall. He goes flying outside.

Luffy: I'm not done with you yet!

He stretches his arm and grabs Clown before he can get too far away.

Luffy: Gomu Gomu no Yo-Yo!

Keeping one arm limp, and the other poised, Luffy repeatedly punches Clown as the arm holding him retracts (like a bungee cord).

Franky: Luffy, how long are you going to hit him?

Luffy: One for each member of Trafalguy's crew, one for each child here, one for each day that they were all held here, and one for each piece of candy he tricked them with!

After about an hour, Luffy's punching arm is red, swollen, and throbbing. Clown's face is just as swollen.

Franky: Luffy, You should get Chopper to check you out. I think you tore, scratch that, shredded everything in your arm.

Luffy: Let's deliver this guy to Smokey, and then see what the others are up to.

Luffy and Franky then leave through the hole in the wall to find their friends.

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