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773 Abridged

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I'm pleased to say this chapter calls for one of these.

Title: Half and Half. No, I prefer milk.

Cover: Wadatsumi Qualifies Luffy for MENSA

Bartolomeo: What the hell just happened? It looks like Cavendish, but at the same time he doesn't. He took out the horny bloodlust guy and the peons.

Gladius: Dellinger, you better not. Bitch, who said you could pass out!? 

Bartolomeo: Oh, this is the thing that happened in the D block fight. This little asshole ex machina is the reason I couldn't enjoy the fight more! This bastard deprived me of entertainment in the form of carnage! Time to make some Cavendish puns. 

Hakuba: Slashy Slashy!

Bartolomeo: Whoa! Dude, wear a bell or something! Ok, the joke's over. You can go back to your normal level of dickishness now.

Hakuba: Woman!

Bartolomeo: Oh hell no! Motherfucker did not just look at Nico Robin with malevolent intent in his eyes. Don't you dare do it! You better not do it!

Hakuba: Running running running!

Bartolomeo: Don't touch her! I called dibs on her fiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrst!

Robin: Bitch, please. You think speed is enough to catch me off guard? I served two years under a guy who could become the wind! Let's see you try to do that, Speed Racer. But enough about me. You seem bummed out. Is there a problem, Cavendish? Sorry, but you're kind of not my priority right now.

Bartolomeo: Damn, she actually stopped him. Who'da thunk?

Cavendish: Pump the breaks, asshole. Who said you could take over! I thought we agreed on you taking over only when I have narcoleptic episodes! Robin, (read like a child being forced to apologize) I'm sorry I was almost about to kill you.

Robin: So that was Hakuba...

Bartolomeo: How dare this asshole be draped in the arms of a 2-in-one sex and women's empowerment symbol! He must be destroyed!

Cavendish: Yes. He's become quite the problem. He just slashes up everyone he sees without discrimination. It makes dating really difficult. 

Hakuba: I wanna slice your limbs off!

Cavendish: Bitch, shut up!

Hakuba: Go back to sleep, pretty boy. 

Cavendish: Don't you understand the reasons behind all this fighting? This is for the sake of...

Hakuba: tl;dr. I wanna carve this broad like a turkey!

Bartolomeo: I don't know whether to call a psychiatrist or a talent agent.

Cavendish: Me!

Hakuba: Me!

Bartolomeo: They...

Cavendish and Hakuba: US!

Bartolomeo: They just went Dutch on a guy's head!

Cavendish: No, bad Hakuba! Sorry about that, Robin. I'm okay, now. You can release me.

Robin: Do you really think I'm that stupid? Why is the wall growing?

Gladius: Now that the vaudeville act is finished, can we get back to the fight, please? Let's play my favorite game. What kind of plegic are you? It's very simple, when this wall explodes, we count how many limbs each of you has left, and whoever has the most remaining is the winner!

Bartolomeo: Oh hell no!

Cavendish: Robin, you should get down.

Robin: Remember, my priority is up there. This whole exchange was nothing more than an inconvenience. Sorry.

Gladius: Let's play another game! It's called Sophie's Choice! If you defeat me, then the wall won't burst. But wait, there's a twist! My hair is poisonous needles that just hit you. Also, I can blow myself up! Can you tell that I'm cosplaying as the fat guy from that one series!? If you tickle me, I'll blow up and the needles will hit your friends on the wall.

Bartolomeo: Friend. Only one of them is my friend.

Gladius: Either you die, or they do.

Bartolomeo (thinking): I hope PETA can forgive me, because I gotta go unethical on a porcupine. But how to avoid hurting Robin in the process... Hmm, right in front of her is a guy I don't give a shit about. (talking) Hey, Cabbage breath! Be Robin's meat-shield for when this guy explodes, okay? Are you listening!?

Hakuba: Shut the hell up, chicken head!

Bartolomeo: Oh great, this guy again. Well, back to the drawing board. Oh, yeah, I can make barriers. I forgot. Frozen joke, do you wanna make a snow globe? And Violet Beauregard here can burst as much as he wants. Now that that's taken care of, I'll make Hakuba jealous and start carving you up! Starting with your wind pipe!

Gladius: I hate suicide missions. Oh well, time to observe rule 37 of the Donquixote Pirates handbook. Always go out, in fashionable style! Too bad. Instead of hitting my windpipe, you hit my shoulder. Great aiming there.

Bartolomeo: How can I tell the difference between the shoulder and neck on a fat Potatohead? God I'm an idiot.

Gladius: Oh well, back to blowing up the wall. Enjoy the show.

Cavendish: Robin, you need to trust me here. Hakuba and I have agreed on a treaty now. So if you let me go, I'll ANNIHILATE, I mean run straight to Flower Field to help Rebecca. 

Robin: Since when did I regularly place myself in these situations? Are my trust issues coming back to the surface again?

Gladius: And they go bye-bye.

Hakuba: Why the hell did you stop me from killing such an easy target!?

Cavendish: Were you not paying attention to the whole exchange going on?

Hakuba: Yes...

Cavendish. This is my body, I'll use it... though I guess you can use it too, but only on your birthday! And sleepy time.

Robin: This guy is weird. 

Gladius: Dafuq... How did they escape?

Bartolomeo: I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws... Homage Spirit Fist! #NoticeMeSenpai! Bari Bari no Pistol! I promise, the next attack I use will be an original. Ugh, no way in hell I'm teaming up with THAT GUY again.

Diamante: Seems like we're missing out on all the fun down there! I'd give my left leg for some of...oh sorry! Say, how's your footing doing? This girl here knows what I'm talking about!

Kyros: Run, stupid!

Robin: Operation Girl Power Fight is go!

Diamante: Who're you?

Kyros: What's her face is here!

Rebecca: Thank GOD a competent fighter actually showed up!

Robin: You two find a nice comfy spot for a picnic. I got this.

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