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One Piece Encyclopedia

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744 prediction

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Once again, inspiration struck, so here I am violating my own policy yet again. Deal with it. This prediction is only semi-serious this time. Again, deal with it.

Title: Cradle and all

Cover: No friggin' idea.

Page 1

Hack: Koala, what the hell is going on up there?

Koala: Well...Sabo just...Here, it'll be easier for him to tell you. SABO!

Sabo: What?

Koala (gesturing to her phone): It's Hack! Tell him what you're doing!

Sabo (with a "you know I'm an SOB" grin): Free Willy, this is Dragon Ball. We got us a party up here. But turns out the neighbors don't like the music so we're going to take this party down stairs. That noise you're hearing is simply me opening the basement door. Holler if you hear me.

Page 2

Hack: Sabo, I don't know which is dumber, the shit you do or the shit you say. Koala, what is he doing exactly?

Koala (who for some reason I think should be voiced by Carrie Savage): He's punching a hole in the arena floor.

Hack: Sabo! Don't! Don't you know there are fighting fish in the water?

Sabo: Yeah, it wouldn't be very revolutionary of me if I didn't set them free too. There's a port down there right? And speaking of water, in about a minute expect four guys, one girl, about two hundred cubic feet of rubble, eight angry fish, and lord knows how many gallons of water to come your way.

Hack: You moron, do I even have to begin to tell what's wrong with that?

Sabo: Sabo out!

Page 3

Hack: Koala, please talk some sense into him.

Koala: I would but if he doesn't destroy it himself, it will just collapse on its own.

Sabo: Hey, Burgess, wanna help me break new ground here?

Burgess: And why should I help you, Straw Hat?

Sabo: But I'm not- I mean, it'll make getting the fruit easier.

Page 4

Robin: Hack! Hack!

Hack: One second, Robin, I'm...Wait, Robin!? What are you doing here?

Robin: Great to see you too. I'm here with my crew. I was turned into a toy for a few minutes, now Sugar's power is lifted. As you can see, it's absolute bedlam down here. Isn't it great?

Hack: I'm here because the Revos caught wind of some oppression and you know how that story goes. Hang on. Koala, this is Hack, come in.

Koala: I'm here, and we never broke off communications...What is it?

Page 5

Robin (Taking the phone from Hack): It's been a while. How are you?

Koala (eyes going big): Robin!? I heard you were on the island but I never expected you to be down there. I'll be right with you (hangs up)! Sabo! Room for one more?

Sabo: Hack, remember those figures I just gave you? The number of women has now doubled.

Koala jumps down from the stand but stays off to one side.

Gatz: And it now appears that a young lady from the stands has joined the fighters. I'll be honest folks, I have absolutely no idea what is happening right now.

Page 6

Sabo: Any time you're ready, Durgess.

Burgess: Get my name right, you punk!

Burgess tries to hit Sabo by punching downward, but misses and hits the floor, which completely collapses.

Sabo: Sorry about that, but thanks anyway.

Bartolomeo: Hey, guy. That was great and all, but this fall ain't exactly a short one, if you catch my drift.

Page 7

Sabo: Oh, right. Koala, can you and Hack do that thing with the water?

Koala: You hear that, Hack?

Hack: Sigh, yeah. You work with the water falling with you, I'll see what I can do with the water down here.

Koala: Fishman Tai Chi: Water Chute!

Hack: Fishman Water Art: Grand Avenue!

Through the power of deus ex bullshit Koala makes a stream of water that envelops everyone falling and acts as a guide to a much larger stream of water made by Hack. Everyone has a relatively easy time of it except Luffy, Bartolomeo, and Diamante for obvious reasons. They are for the most part under water with their eyes rolled back. For those who have a grip, the scene before them is surreal.'

Page 8

Rebecca: What am I looking at?

Burgess: Explosions abound. People are running in chaos. I recognize some of them from the colosseum.

Koala: Those perpetrating this mayhem must have all been toy slaves.

Sabo: Wahoo! This is my kind of party! Koala, make this thing go faster! They land relatively softly. Hack and Robin run over to meet them

Koala (semi-glomping): Robin! It's so great to see you! It's been too long!

Page 9

Robin (returning the embrace): It's good to see you too!

Koala: So, which one of you is going to bring us up to speed?

Meanwhile, Diamante is off in search of Trébol. He finds him kneeling over Sugar in absolute hysterics.

Diamante: What happened!? You had one job! ONE JOB! This is a disaster! Everything we've worked to keep quiet in these last ten years now suddenly has a voice! How the hell did she faint?

Trébol: The nose guy....He had a grape, and he wanted her to eat it. So we fought and beat him, and made him eat it. Then the nose guy screams, which made Sugar scream...and then she fell over...and now everything's ruined!

Page 10

Diamante: Alright, take some deep breaths. Where is this nose guy now?

Trébol: Bits of little green men took him away.

Diamante: What? Bits of green...Green Bit? Do you mean the Tontatta Tribe is part of this?

He nods.

Diamante: Great. One more thing we have to contend with.

Trébol: I was able to beat a lot of them. I did good there, right?

Diamante: Yeah, you did good. Now listen to me Trébol. There is something important I need to you do for me. Only you can do this, because only you have unlimited access to a flammable substance. Here is what you have to do....

Page 11

Zoro: Where did you go? Come on, Waldo, or Pica, or whatever the hell your name is! Olly Olly Rocksen Free! Where are you! Fuck, where the hell am I! Okay, time to smoke this guy out and take a short cut at the same time. Onigiri!

Zoro cuts through the closest wall. He does this repeatedly to several walls (at a speed consistent with putting a montage to Verdi's Anvil Chorus). Soon, he stops.

Page 12

Zoro (saying kind of loudly): I suppose this is for the best. After all, you probably couldn't handle me in a straight fight, seeing how you have ROCKS FOR BRAINS! Is this the path the passionate but out of work geophile must walk? Hey Rocky! Where's Bullwinkle!

Zoro sees a ripple in the wall and slashes at it. Pica is knocked from the wall and out into the open. He lands on his back.

Zoro: I guess that's one way to get your rocks off.

He runs at Pica and is about to cut him, but Pica blocks the blade with a stone fist. Zoro bats the fist away, doing extensive damage to the walls in the process.

Page 13

Pica jumps back and picks up what appears to be the carpet on the floor.

Zoro: Really? Are you so desperate that you're going to try the carpet pull trick? Come on. Here, look. (he cuts the carpet) What now?

This does not stop Pica one bit, for rather than pick up the carpet, he picks up the floor itself.

Zoro: How can you-

Pica: Marble.

Pica whips the floor at him as if it were a rug. Zoro barely has time to block against what seemed like a marble wave. It knocks him back a great deal.

Page 14

Zoro: So you do talk.

Pica tries to merge with the floor

Zoro: I don't think so! One Sword Style: Disaster Harbor Bird! You're not getting away this time!

Pica gets knocked back an tries to merge again. Zoro drives a sword into the ground and some of the floor falls away.

Zoro: You're not getting away again!

Page 15

Pica: Please. I can tell something has happened to my master. Let me go to him.

Zoro: Fat chance. You're not going anywhere.

Pica starts to run through walls. Zoro follows by crashing through them in his own special way.

Page 16

Suits Room

Buffalo: What the hell just happened!?

Baby 5: Law! Tell me this is your doing!

Law: Who the hell is that guy?

Buffalo: You mean you aren't...

Luffy and Law: That bitch stole my thunder!

Ending caption: Seriously, an explanation would be nice.

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