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One Piece Encyclopedia

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744 Abridged

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Some weird stuff happened in this chapter, which is why I'm doing this. Anyway, enjoy.

Cover: Not a new cover story. Gotcha, suckers!

Gatz: Lucy just just broke the floor! To all who are watching, you're gonna wanna leave. Like now!

Burgess: I shouldn't have to take this abuse.

Bartolomeo: Honey, as weird as I look, I am not that kinky.

Diamante: I would say things are now officially bad. Oh, crap, no one's supposed to win the fruit. Stop!

Sabo: I caught a fish full of devil fruit! That means I win, right?

Gatz: Why am I still here?

Sabo: My doctor always said I needed more fruit in my diet.

Gatz: Why am I still doing the commentary! Lucy won.

Sabo: Tastes like a flaming bag of dog poop.

Bartolomeo: Hey! What about me!

Sabo: Revolutionary's hand book, rule 17, always save the bitches. 

Bartolomeo: What now?

Sabo (looks at his hand): SABO WE ON FIRE!

Burgess and Diamante: That bitch stole my fruit!

Koala: Wait for me! I"m relevant to the plot too! And I have your clothes!

Sabo: No time to come up with anything original. Hey, look how easy it is to do Ace's signature attack! It's so easy the freshest of noobs could do it.

Trebol: Get back here, you little bastards!

Dwarves: Now that this guy really is a hero, we have to protect him.

Trebol: Nico Robin, is it? Oh goody, I love harassment lawsuits.

Robin: I can pick up boulders now for some reason. Watch!

Hajrudin: Aww, look. A little human. Yoink. Tell me about the rabbits, human.

Robin: A giant? Oh, God, from this angle I can see everything! My eyes! Unclean! Unclean!

Hajrudin: My new dolly saved us all.

People: You saved us. I know a guy in the movie business. I'll have him make a touching drama about me called 10 Years a Slave. You gave us our lives back. 

Hajrudin: And low, our savior hath come forth not with a whisper, but with a roar. Well, more like a scream, really. Behold this man whose arms I am dangerously close to ripping off. For he hath brought forth the light of our salvation.

People: This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! This little light of mine...

Robin: Okay, that's enough. If you knew him like I do, you wouldn't be getting preachy. Usopp, I suggest you use your newfound influence for something useful.

Usopp: Listen up, maggots!

Some huge guy: Hush, the lord speaketh.

Usopp: I command thee, go to the factory. Once there, go postal! But don't hurt the little guys in there.

Everyone: DUNZO!

Burgess: Well, my boss is not going to be happy.

Diamante: How can I shift the blame on this one? Oh look, an angry mob.

Bartolomeo: It seems like you only use me at your convenience. I can help in other ways too, you know!

Rebecca: Well, this place exists now. So firecrotch. Who exactly are you? You aren't the first Lucy I met.

Sabo: SABO WE ON FIRE! This is going to take some getting used to. A light any time I want, yet I don't smoke. Anywho, the first guy was Straw Hat Luffy. I'm his older and much cooler brother. And we're revolutionaries.

Hack: We look so badass in this groupshot.

Rebecca: So why are you here?

Koala: Top hat placement complete. This place is a big weapons distribution center. These weapons are fueling wars all over the world. As revolutionaries, we don't like it when someone does our job for us. We'll start our own wars, thank you. According to my notes, which only just became relevant due to regaining my memories, we've sent several agents to infiltrate Dressrosa, but all of them were turned into toys. That should be an indication of our corpses to success ratio elsewhere.

Random lackey: Hey, why is Dragon Poop here?

Second Random lackey: You mean Dragon's number t- Ahahaha, good one. But yeah, we should tell someone who might actually be able to do something about it.

Sabo: Turns out this is not where they're being made. If it weren't for all the other stuff that happened along the way, I'd call this mission a bust. But it's not, so I won't. Dragon will be pleased.

Narrator: Pause to show the chaos in the streets before we go to the royal palace. There's something about mass panic that makes me all tingly inside. It also gives me some confused feelings but enough about that, on to the palace!

Kyros: Ahh, I forgot how good it feels to massacre nameless henchmen. Really takes me back.

Buffalo: Seriously, which leg of yours is supposed to be missing!? I don't care if it's retconned, just pick one already! I'm gonna cut the rest of you up though, cuz of what you did to my boss. Seriously, dafuq?

Kyros: And now fatty's gonna sleep for a long time. Shhhh.

Baby 5: Seriously, who the hell is this guy?

Luffy: Tora, we're here to save you.

Baby 5: Good, someone else to shoot.

Luffy: Glad to see you're still breathing after that whole incident.

Law: Why the hell are you here? Please tell me you destroyed the factory?

Luffy: Hey lady, I promise I'll put you down if you come up with a convenient way for me to free my friend here.

Viola: Would the key to his handcuffs work?

Luffy: Thank you, Miss Plot Convenience.

Gladius: You're not going to lay a finger on the boss!...It seems I spoke too soon. Seriously, can someone clue me in here? What the hell's going on?

Kyros: I should probably free the king while I'm at it.

Law: You weren't there when I first said it, but our alliance has ended.

Luffy: Since when do you get to decide stuff? I'm the boss of this alliance.

Law: I will do my best to resist pointing out the irony in your statement. We're enemies once more, so if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to being a dick again.

Luffy: Yeah, yeah. I knew these cuffs were seastone! And lame theorists thought the whole decapitation was your doing. Fun times.

Law: Aaaaaah!

Luffy: Did the floor just uppercut me? Oh, it's the third wheel. What's his face.

Viola: Pica! (actual line)

Luffy: That was it, thank you.

Doflamingo: Well, seems the shit really hit the fan this time.

Luffy: You're alive?

Baby 5: What!?

Gladius: Seriously! What the hell is going on!?

Riku: Yeah, I'm lost here too.

Doflamingo: Well, things have clearly gone about as south as they can go. How south? We've already passed Pirate Mexico.

Law: I made that joke already.

Doflamingo: It appears that the only way out of this is to use Birdcage. You know what's up, doc?

Law: Birdcage!? The last resort so vile, so unspeakably evil...that we're going to have to wait two weeks before we learn what it is. Bastard!

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