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One Piece Encyclopedia

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734 Abridged

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This chapter left me too excited to not do anything about it. So this will be my creative outlet! YAY!

Gatz: Crap, the fight really did end early! Who's the asshole that ruined our fun?

Crowd: Damn it, smoke! Clear faster!

Gatz: Oh no! Whoever won has horrible taste in shoes! Aaaaah! Double crap, it's Rebecca!

Crowd: Booooo! Why is Meadows only getting screen time now with no character development!? Booo!

Gatz: On a side note, who wants to play "Guess which fighter is actually sleeping"? Anyone? Screw it, Rebecca's the winner!

Crowd: She's doping! Test her for juice!

Prison gladiators: Throw your hand in the air, wave it like you just don't care (about bad taste).

Crowd: How could someone like her beat Orlumbus or Cavendish!? They could kick her ass in a straight fight! Damn it, look what she's done! We're squabbling baselessly like petty fanboys!

Marine: Kamaitachi? Isn't that one of Temari's jutsus? It's a weasel with an eye patch, right?

Bastille: No, I mean the Kamaitachi of Rommel. Long ago, in the land of Rommel, every now and then a sour-sweet wind would blow. Where it came from, not a person would know. It brought with it some of the strangest sites people had ever seen. And it always blew on Halloween...

Marine: Now who's the one getting their series mixed up? But keep going, Vice Admiral Geisel.

Bastille: The wind would cut people up indiscriminately, so a ship of Marines was sent to see, what the problem was. Hopefully they could find the cause.

The Marine slaps Bastille.

Bastille: Oh, shit, thank you for that. I was in another of my rhyming tangents. Anyway, as one would expect, all of the peons got cut to ribbons. But, the officers saw him and learned his name was Hakuba and were somehow able to get this information back to HQ before getting cut up themselves. Idk how. Anyway, there's a direct correlation between Hakuba and Cavendish.

Suleiman: Damn it, hold still! I can't cut you if you move!

Cavendish: So, bored. Must find more exciting opponent. Oh no, it's Suleiman. Can't fight. Too boring. Must sleep.....

Gladiators: Sweet, free kill!

Hakuba: Time to start the real party, mo' fos! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Cut cut can you see me cut cut can you see me cut cut no you can't because I am to fast! (to the theme of the can-can if you couldn't tell). Bump bump bump, another one's chances bust. Hakuba swinging around the ring his sword drawn way too much. He can't be seen, but you'll know he was here because your sword wound you will clutch (to the theme of Another One Bites the Dust).....

Rebecca: Damn it, I will not let this guy get me! I am far more central to this plot! Ha! You just got my helmet.

Hakuba: Wheeeeeeeeee! And I'm bored now.

Marine: So Cavendish is a narcoleptic with an alternate personality that only shows up while he's sleeping?

Bastille: Pretty much. Don't pity him. He's too gorgeous for that. Hakuba Matada is the real source behind Cavendish's strength and infamy. Too bad he has the wrong body type for it.

Crowd: Bitch probably be packing!

Rebecca: Well...that happened.

Sabo: Girl got lucky, or did she? Whatever, I'm still getting the fruit. Sabo, out.

Burgess: About fucking time!

Doflamingo: Damn, your grandkid beat the spread! I bet you two were working together. You know, for a king trying to regain his rightful throne, your actions have been far too self-serving. Dafuq you looking at? Your daughter's too. Now I bet I know what you're wondering. Why is today so special? Here's a hint. It's not my birthday.

Dold: That shit you pulled with CP-0 was too messed up, dude. No further comments.

Doflamingo: Good, you know how I love to monologue! Your daughter is quite the math nerd and gambler. The alliance between the now former shichibukai and the has-been from two years ago with evil lineage (could that mean I know something you don't? Too bad. I'm not telling :P) is what she's banking on to win against me! But Law was getting ahead of himself, so I had to shoot him in the chest to bring him back down to earth. As for the other's movements....

Narrator: Ok, I'm gonna pause it here for a moment. Hi, I'm the narrator. I'm the little blurbs that open and close each chapter as well as any dialogue box that denotes the passage of time. We know that Doflamingo ain't exactly on the money in this next part, so let's keep score and count his mistakes, shall we?

Doflamingo: Straw Hat is currently busy in the colosseum, which he shall not be leaving either alive or as a human.

Narrator: Ok, that's one wrong right there.

Doflamingo: Cyborg Franky is currently outside the factory's ground entrance. Can he beat my best guys?

Narrator: Eh, call that one a maybe for now.

Doflamingo: So that leaves Pirate Hunter Zoro, Fox-Fire Kin'emon, Nico Robin, and Sogeking. There are only two ways to get into the factory, the palace and the toy house. Both are under heavy guard, so there's no way they could reach the underground.

Narrator: Count that as two. One for not knowing the other way, and another for Nico Robin and Sogeking already being there. So that's three wrongs and one maybe. Hm, not the best record....

Wicca: You three. Get asses inside palace. 

Luffy (with the voice of Frank Kelly's Father Jack this one time): You're tiny and I like you. Where are my toys!?

Wicca: You're lucky you're Usolanders, otherwise I wouldn't even be showing myself to you.

All three: What?

Wicca: Look there. See the elevator? You need to show the guard a pass and-

Luffy: Mow down the guard's ass. Got it! Ooh look, a lady on a horse!

Violet: Just follow me without any question of who I am, having never met me until now!

As the screen fades to black, Sabo, Koala, and the dwarves are heard singing ominously in unplanned and unknowing unison (because I can, damn it.):

Rockabye tyrants, for soon you'll be done.

Right before you crash, you'll look to the sun.

So will your anger, erupt in a flash,

As you burn all that's around you, and then burn the ash.

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