5,627 Pages

Cover: This is my Choji Akimichi Impression!

Doflamingo: Sup everyone! How're y'all doing today? I know some weird stuff happened today, and I am pleased to tell you that all blame can now be directed to the almost corpse at my feet!

People: We believe everything you say without question!

Luffy: Hey Doffy! The fuck?

Doflamingo: Hey kids! Do I have your attention!? I know the way you've been livin'! Life so reckless, property damage endless! Welcome to the (Donquixote) Family!

Zoro: Damn it! He's trying for a Shichibukai musical number, get him!

Marine: Vice Admiral Nonchalant! That guy we mentioned is doing stuff now, can we stop him?

Bastille: That's probably a good idea. On your mark. Get set. Sit the fuck down and wait!

Chopper: We love not being told what's going on!

Kin'emon: Doflamingo upped Law's street cred. A lot.

Doflamingo: Okay, so the two guys charging at me are Zoro and Kin'emon. According to the files, at least one of them is a swordsman. Interesting.

Zoro: Get him!

Doflamingo: Oh no. A world noble is being harassed by pirates. If only Marine HQ would send an admiral to deal with these ruffians while shattering Kizaru's record for fastest response time.

Fujitora: Did somebody order a fast and effective badass entrance?

Zoro: Oh hey, it's that guy from before. That asshole just broke my sunglasses!

Fujitora: Zoro go down the hole.

Zoro: Oh God, please don't make a Carroll reference!

Doflamingo: Hey, come on now. Don't focus on the negative. Focus on the positive up here. You're about to get some cool new scars!

Luffy: It's high time I join this party. God damn deus ex sea stone!

Fujitora: The hills are alive....

Zoro: God damn musical numbers! Who'da thunk the blind guy was an admiral?

Readers: EVERYONE!

Fujitora: Nothing personal. You guys are nice and all, but I'm afraid I have to be that guy right now.

Kin'emon: This is Kin'emon, and you are listening to WWTF, Dressrosa's premier unfortunate news radio station. This just in. We are currently engaged in battle with a Marine admiral by the name of Mr. Fuji (weren't expecting a Pokemon reference, were ya?). Listeners may now commence their collective "Oh shits!".

Robin: Great. This just doubled our workload.

Kin'emon: Law! If you're waivering between life and death, remain unresponsive! Good job!

Zoro: More importantly, THOSE GUYS ARE FLYING!

Doflamingo: We're walking in the air....We're floating in the moonlit...Crap, it's still daytime, so that won't work. God, where's Monet when you need her? So, purple, what say we head back to my place and discuss this idea of mine over some milk and cookies?

Fujitora: No promises, but you have me at milk and cookies. Off we fly, into the wild blue yonder....

Zoro: Seems like they've figured out who I am. All the same, I'm keeping the mustache. Luffy, GTFO of there. We'll distract them until you can. Kin'emon, run around in circles with me!

Sanji: That's great, guys. But we got a bigger problem on our hands, and I mean that in every possible way. 

Kin'emon: And what might that be?

Sanji: Imagine, if you will for a moment, a barque several times the size of our brigantine with various sugary confections jutting out from the deck. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say that some of the ship is made out of cake. And speaking of sweets, you'll recognize the logo on the sails as the one we saw two arcs ago. And for the weird ass cherry on top, the ship itself appears to be singing a parody of Dora the Explorer's Map Song.

Luffy: So can you see Big Mom?

Sanji: No, but I definitely recognize furry and pointy from Fishman Island.

Pekoms: Mom! Those kids have Caesar and they aren't sharing!

Tamago: We just want the scientist. Don't move and we'll shoot you!

Sanji: Why are the creepiest people always the most in demand?

Caesar: I'm gonna level with you. I kinda robbed her blind this one time in order to obtain "research grants." If they get ahold of me, everything you already know about me and my activities will become public knowledge.

Sanji: How public?

Caesar: Nude selfies on Facebook public.

Sanji: Lucky for you, we need you as a bargaining chip.

Brook: They're going to attack us! And it's can(n)on!

Sanji: We're getting the heck out of Dodge in more ways than one!

Franky: Keep her the hell away from here. She'd only serve to pour gasoline on the powder keg we got going. Her presence would also put the kabosh on the midget military's plans.

Luffy: Why is Caesar on the ship still?

Zoro: The exchange must have gone south.

Kin'emon: What tipped you off to that? The fact we still have Caesar, the obligatory collateral damage, or the doctor hiding bullets in his chest?

Nami: Listen up bitches, it's monologue time. We're staying the hell away from that island. We're currently in a tussle over three things: The genocidal flake, the fake fruit farm, and my boy toy. The factory is still his. But we have the nutty professor and the prodigal toddler here with us. Law hopefully picked a fight to buy us more time and not because he's a headstrong idiot. He's supposed to be the brains in this dual captain relationship. In closing, important to protect blah blah blah sacrifice not be in vain blah blah blah.

Luffy: Okay. Head for Zo. 

Nami: That's the first sane order he's given all arc.

Sanji: One last thing. Do I have permission to return fire against the Big Mom Pirates?

Luffy: What the fuck do you think?

Chopper: But that's suicide!

Sanji: So is jerking off with a belt around your neck and yet my Tuesday nights always go swimmingly. Toodles!

Franky: Let's wreck some shit!

Luffy: Stay safe out there. Damn, it's been a while since I've delivered a good ass kicking to a member of royalty. Let's fix that!