5,623 Pages

Cover: I guess my name is Gaburu now.

Yosemite Zoro: Pretending to think is boring. What did Philip Sanjmore Hoffman say again?

Philip Sanjmore Hoffman: Nami likes me better, no matter what the fanon says.

Zoro: Do you see me trying to stop you?

Sanji: Okay. Here's some stuff, Kin'emon

Zoro: So, how do we get around the gate?

Kin'emon: Let's do what some people on this one site I go to don't like to do, play the waiting game. Above all else, let's not draw attention to ourselves.

Zoro: What about cutting it?

Kin'emon: We want SUBTLETY, remember?

Zoro: What if I make it tiny?

Bartolomeo: Oh. My. God. It's Roronoa Zoro! I am going to ruin my coolness rating even more by reciting trivia about him. Then I'm going to say something that makes the reader think I secretly represent One Piece fans in general. Holy crap on a marble! Now I'm going to chew on this gate.

Baby 5: Guy who shot me, you'll be glad to know I'm giving you a name after 41 chapters. So, Gladius, why not chill out?

Gladius: Violet. Her saying "f#%k this", do you realize how messed up my plans are now?

Baby 5: Suddenly he's the tactician.

Gladius: She was supposed to grab Sanji and data-mine his ass. And she did. But then she says her now infamous "f#%k this" and everything goes to shit.

Baby 5: Oh goody, the Orville Redentop-hat is almost done.

Gladius: I am the fear felt by the unreliable. I am the answer to all living things that cry out on time. I am the protector of the punctual. I am the light in the darkness. I am timeliness. ALLY TO PRECISION, NIGHTMARE TO INSUBORDINATION!

Baby 5: A steam punk super saiyan gimp. I think I can die happy now.

Gladius: She got bored. Those who get bored of the Donquixote Pirates cannot remain alive. Here's a plot hole none of the fanboys found. If Violet can see for 4000 miles, why didn't she see the Straw Hats coming? Or warn us about them?

Violet: Hyaa. Ride, Pokey. 

Sanji: Not that I don't appreciate the ride, but I thought I told you to wait at the harbor. 

Violet: There were too many Marines. I can read minds, remember. They were cooped up on that ship for way too long, if you know what I mean. Some of the stuff I saw in their heads was X-rated and involved me.

Sanji: Weird. So's the stuff in my head!

Violet: Back to business. There are 4 ships and about 3000 marines here.

Sanji: Someone has quite the visual abilities. How'd you find that out?

Violet: Bitch I'm a radar.

Nami: So now what?

Momonosuke: Imma poke her with a stick.

Brook: Lord knows I ain't looking at those granny panties.

Jora: But I'm sexy...

Nami: Let's follow more of Law's orders blindly!

Chopper: So what was up with the Caesar thing?

Brook: Yeah, I mean, it's not like any plot twists could have happened while we were here. What's up with that?

Jora: I know why I'm not dead yet. I have to fill you in! Doflamingo pulled a "Gotcha bitch". He's still a warlord. And there's this chick named Violet who's supposed to get information out of your friends. Now who isn't caught up?

Issho: So, you're a world noble.

Doflamingo: I was, once, when I was a different man. All that luxury sucked donkey nuts, so I got out. It would be nice if we could have a drink and philosophize while I tell you about my old life. Unfortunately, I got shit to do. Sup, Fufu?

Issho: I just heard a storm.

Law (thinking): That was probably Nami. Damn this whole thing is relying on people who don't have all the info. Hmm.

Caesar: Can I have my heart back now?

Law: Did I say it was his?

Caesar: C'mon Law. Don't be as dumb as admitting to an alliance. You've been holding it over me and I have a hole in my chest.

Doflamingo: Squeeze.

Caesar: Fuck.

Issho: Why is unnamed soldier number 5 screaming?

Caesar: I just want my heart back.

Law: And that's my queue! Isn't gravity such a...let down? I'm going to leave your whole plan in...Shambles! (how many times have I made that pun while abridging?) I'm about to rock me, like a hurricane.

Caesar: Help! I'm being kidnapped! Again!

Law: Running running running.

Doflamingo: First he's a pirate, now he's the fucking energizer bunny. Great! Why are former subordinates always such a handful?

Issho: Poor bastard.

Brook: Where's Law?

Nami: Unless he's a forest, I don't know. Too foggy. So what happens next?

Brook: Doflamingo targets us.

Chopper: What rammed the boat!?

Jora: Fighting fish! I look like I've snapped!

Law: Okay. I'll go to the bridge, toss Caesar from there, and then fight Doflamingo. As long as he doesn't go to the ship, everything will be fine.

Doflamingo: So that's how it is! Next time keep your thoughts in your head!


Nami: What is it now?

Chopper: A flamboyant psychopath is flying over here!

Doflamingo: Law, I'm about to vent my frustrations onto your friends. Their asses will be kicked repeatedly from bow to stern.

Sanji: Hey! Only one flame-o per ship, asshole!

Doflamingo: Thank God the fans won't be disappointed this time. And another kick fight, too!