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One Piece Encyclopedia

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713 Abridged

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Cover: I'm the Gingerbread Man!

Caesar: Great, you're here, can you kick his ass now?

Law: Down boy. Bad Shichibukai. Because you decided you had to be Mr. Sneaky, we're going to have to do this all over again. 

Doflamingo: Is that how you talk to a former boss after more than ten years? Leave the most adorable mad scientist ever with me, ok?

Marine: Hey, uh, that guy looking grateful and facklempt is Caesar Clown. He's got a bounty...

Fujitora: I read about the silent but deadly incident he was involved in. But, he's working under a Shichibukai, so there's nothing we can do. 

Doflamingo: If it isn't the new admiral. Tell me, how long were you in the Marines before you attained that rank? What? You just got the job? And the Marine talent pool was bad enough that they had to literally give the title away to people outside the Marines? No wonder Sakazuki is so pissed off all the time, the whole organization must suck right now. To make the readers happy, I'm going to drop the alias of the other admiral when I say that you and Ryokugyu are really formidable. Though, given my previous statement, I'm not sure if that's saying much.

Fujitora: You flatter me. I may still be new to the gig, but from what I can tell, you've been a naughty little boy Doflamingo. The schmuck in the hat to my right just called you Joker, which I can only assume is an alias of some kind. 

Doflamingo: Yeah, good luck with that. Have you decided how you're going to kill Law yet?

Fujitora: About that, if the newspaper got it right, which after the front page fuckup we should call all the news into question, then Law done goofed and needs to go byebye. But, if they're working under him, well, you're the poster child of having all sorts of criminals working under you, aren't you, Doflamingo?

Caesar: Trafalgar, I know you caught some of the Straw Hats' comedic quirks, but please tell me you didn't catch any of their captain's stupid. All you have to do is LIE.

Law (thinking): Well, if this shit goes any further south we're going to hit Pirate Mexico. No, we're far beyond pirate Mexico. More likely we're going to hit Pirate Nicaragua or Pirate El Salvador. Why did I suddenly become a problem for these guys? I could take this party back to Dressrosa, but that wouldn't help. Though I do love me some collateral damage. What if I told the truth? I wonder what kind of reaction I'd get?

Law (Speaking): I'm in an alliance with him. What now, huh? Come at me bro.

Doflamingo: It appears as though you've come down with a serious case of stupid, contracted no doubt from spending all that time with Straw Hat.

Fujitora: Well, mister bigshot, you think honesty is the best policy? You think I'm just going to revoke your title now? Well you thought wrong. I'm about to kill three birds with one meteor.

Law: Don't you mean one stone?

Fujitora: I know what I said.

Doflamingo: Is it international Everybody Fucking Loses It Day and I didn't get the memo? 

Law: We all know how this song and dance goes. Slice.

Doflamingo: And dice.

Law: Did we just do a combo attack?

Doflamingo: Say that again and no one will find your body.

Fujitora: It seems I overestimated the GRAVITY of the situation. Oh well, nothing a little repulsion can't fix.

Marines: What just happened? 

Caesar: I don't know, but I liked it. Only three tiny plateaus remain.

Doflamingo: Are you friggin' nuts? Do you know anything about control?

Law: So, the whole being blind thing isn't a problem, I'm guessing.

Fujitora: Bah! You think that's crazy? That was just a warm up. I can do nine of those before breakfast with a cold.

On another note...

Sanji: Why are you going to a flower field?

Franky: I'm fine, thanks for asking. Where the hell have you been, Sanji?

Sanji: I met this chick.

Franky: She must be crazy if she can stand you. More importantly, I've found the factory, though Operation Hit and Run is out of the question. The place is too big.

Restaurateur: Hey! Tabs don't do shit here!

Sanji: Doflamingo pulled a tribune on us, did you hear?

Franky: Yup. That guy's good. Hopefully he doesn't get Caesar back. That would be bad. Leveling his factory is gonna be a bitch but so will the payback, so I guess it works out. 

Sanji: By the way, I keep trying to call Nami but she won't answer. 

Franky: Stop stalking her and remember she kicked more ass at Fishman Island than both of us combined. 

Sanji: Ah...uh...

Franky: What is it this time, Sanji?

Sanji: Violet, why is Luffy in a gladiator costume while kicking another guy in a gladiator costume in the head?

Violet: It's broadcasting from the colosseum.

Sanji: Franky, Luffy is...

Franky: Kicking ass in the tournament. I know, right? I am making a boatload off him right now at the betting office. He already beat the spread!

Sanji: You let this happen? What happened to not letting him do something stupid?

Franky: This coming from the guy who abandoned us to get a sword, got bored of that, and then ran off with some chick he just met? I don't know about you, but from where I'm rolling, you're in no position to get angry.

Violet: Sanji, I almost forgot, I'm supposed to give you this convenient plot device. It's a map to the factory. 

Sanji: Thanks. Wait for us at the western port. I've still got shit to do, yada yada yada. 

Kin'emon: Zero sword style, cock block attack!

Sanji: Where the hell have you been?

Kin'emon: Before I answer that, make them go away.

Sanji: Done, and you're welcome, lazy bastard.

Kin'emon: They used Kanjuro as leverage against me. I was worried for him so I didn't fight. Anyway, help me find the toy house. That's where Kanjuro is.

Sanji: Done. Map. Here.

Kin'emon: Damn, you are good. You should get a job at Jimmy John's if you're this fast.

Back to the original setting, only this time underground.

Usopp: Earthquake! We're all gonna die!

Dwarves: It must be bad if the hero is scared!

Usopp: Kidding. That tremor was my haki, which I definitely have (wink wink).

Dwarves: Wait, you mean you said you have it and it didn't cause controversy about your abilities because no one reading this believed you?

Usopp: Yup. I don't like to brag, but whole islands have fallen because I once sneezed in the wrong direction.

Robin: Hey, look over there. It's a statue of Noland. 

Leo: You know of him? This guy's a freakin' legend around here! He showed up here out of the blue one day and helped us fight off the bad people. 

Flapper: When we captured you, he explained how he was Noland's descendant, using the point on his head as proof. 

Robin: You are a demented fuck, you know that?.

Usopp: This demented fuck still hasn't gotten a thank you for saving you from being stripped naked by a bunch of smurfs. You also never thanked me for getting us the free food, supplies, and safe egress to the surface.

Gancho: And your timing couldn't be anymore perfect. 

Leo: We are going to war against the dreaded Doflamingo today!

Usopp: Yes, I am awesome, wait what?

Dwarves: Once you're full, we're going to the flower fields to meet with our allied forces prepare for battle! We beseech thee, stand as the vanguard for this glorious day in Tonta history! With your great guidance, our victory over Doflamingo is assured!

Usopp: ............

Robin: Ahahahahahahahahahahahah! What was that about safe egress?

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