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One Piece Encyclopedia

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699 Abridged

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It's Baaackk.

Title: Newsies

Marines: Wild card!

Doflamingo: Keep your eye on the birdy.

Kuzan: Honky need to chill.

Doflamingo: Hm, that happened.

Buffalo and Baby 5: Anticlimactic!

Doflamingo: Surprise, bitch!

Buffalo: Thank god the main antagonist didn't die that easily.

Doflamingo: Well, I'm bored. Tell that guy I just wasted that if he breathes a word of this to anyone, his career will be, ahem, up in smoke. But riddle me this, what the fuck are you doing here? I've heard you've been having all kinds of fun with your newfound unemployment.

Kuzan: Can a brotha get a medic!?

Doflamingo: It's obvious what he's up to, but I'm going to keep speaking in riddles just to fuck with people.

Kuzan: Never respect your superiors if you don't see them regularly. Running shit your way without rules is the way to go. Marine tactics, my politics. 

Smoker: I just peed a little on the inside. By the way, why are you here?

Kuzan: You.

Smoker: What?

Kuzan: Shhhhh. No talking, just emotions.

Smoker: You shouldn't even know about this place unless you have your hands in the nefarious underground affairs.

Kuzan: You're joking right? I shouldn't know about this place? This coming from the guy who dropped the ball about my fight with Sakazuki here? Really? I'm gonna chalk this up to brain damage, cuz there ain't no way you're that dumb.

Marines: whisper whisper

Kuzan: I'm gonna count to three and turn around, and when I do, none of you had better be within spitting distance. 1..

Marines: Run away!

Sleepy penguin wtf.

Kuzan: I'm gonna speak in riddles a bit longer.

Smoker: I know.

Kuzan: By the way, you might want to do something about the flamboyant Norseman who just left. There's still time to undo the stuff he's started, but you might want to get someone who's actually capable of doing something. So run along, tell daddy, and let the big kids handle it. And to all the nameless henchmen pretending not to listen, I know where you live.

Usopp: Are we dead yet? Oh look, sea trees. Ever since I found out you threatened Doflamingo with an ultimatum, I've been making a conscious effort not to soil myself.

Luffy: What's the problem? We have these helmets don't we?

Brook: Seeing as he had to choose between shit and crap, he'll probably not be too happy. And I don't even want to know what a man that flamboyant is willing to do.

Kin'emon: Fight me damn it!

Zoro: No.

Nami: Fire + on wooden ship = bad.

Kin'emon: I'm about to tell you more about Wano than you'll ever care to know right now. Someone robbed the grave of our greatest hero and stole his sword and corpse. Why did you do it!?

Zoro: Actually, I won this off him.

Sanji: I'm ordering pizza, who wants in?

Kin'emon: ME! Where's my son?

Nami: Robin's giving him a bath. He hasn't had one in a while.

Robin: Did you enjoy that? I sure did. Here's some fanservice for you, and for you too Momonosuke.

Momo: Thank you. You're soft, warm lady. (nestle nestle)

Robin: Hey everyone. Kin'emon, hand me his kimono.

Brook: Ye little bastard.

Sanji: You think you're smooth, don't you?

Kin'emon: If you don't bring enough for the whole class, daddy's gonna have to cut you.

Nami: No psychological abuse!

Momo: Thank you princess lady.

Nami: Finally, someone gets it! Now I'll show you what I do when someone gets it right the first time. You're gonna sleep with me tonight.

Momo: Oh yeah.

Sanji, Brook, Kin'emon: My hero! So young! I have never been more proud as your father than I am now!

Sea owl.

Usopp: On caffeine, on caffeine, may I never be seen. On caffeine, on caffeine, I am gonna scream.

Chopper: What am I doing?

Sanji: Alcohol fuels my jealousy!

Kin'emon: I'm completely gikked on speed!

Franky: I'm the only one doing anything right now.

Momo: Zzzzz...

Nami: Momo...c'mon, I want seconds. Robin won't wake up. This is such an innocent yet erotically suggestive bed scene.

Brook: Let us seeeeiize the daaaaaaaaayyyy. We have the paper. Come everyoooooone.

Law: If it's not then all was for none.

Luffy: Extra extra, blondie resigns as a Shichibukai, for once Marines are eager to get asses in gear. The king has fallen.

Franky: Ja, I hate it ven things go well. Ve're missing someszing.

Law: Called it.

Caesar (crying): No one's ever cared about me before. I shouldn't cry in front of my captors, but I just can't help it.

Luffy: Look, we're in the paper! Hi mom!

Elsewhere

Random captain: Who the fuck are we? Reiterate, reiterate, remind everyone of what they already assumed.

Luffy: It's like a reunion.

Law: I don't care. We have other things to do. We have to send him his new baphomet. (Looks at camera, smiling)That's right folks, for just three easy renouncements, you too can have your very own psychopathic baphomet scientist! This just in from the crazy N (N for narrator, I'm not racist, you are) over at the big D, the whole place is in complete disorder, distress, and disarray.

Doflamingo is reading a book and listening to music (his favorite song, Birdland). A phone rings at Dressrosa, who do you want answering it? Someone like Doflamingo who put his own interests before his people? Or do you want someone capable of making the right decisions when the chips are down? Make the right decision. Paid for by the newly disillusioned people of Dressrosa.

Doflamingo: I'm Donquixote Doflamingo, and I approve this message. You could do way better than me.

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