5,623 Pages

Ok, this one will have a storyline, but will be completely for shits and giggles. Enjoy. Sorry if you don't like it.

  • Page 1


Fleet Admiral Sakazuki is just waking up (Yes, there's a time change, shut up).

Sakazuki (jumping out of bed): Oh yeah!

Lieutenant (his lackey): Good morning, Fleet Admiral Sakazuki sir! Here's the morning paper and some reports from last night. I'll have your coffee ready just momentarily.

Sakazuki (taking them): Thank you, lieutenant.

  • Page 2

He walks out onto the balcony, reading the paper, grinning.

Sakazuki (stretching): GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING MARINEFOOOOOOOOOORD! Boy have we got some shit to do today! I love the smell of fear in the morning!

Lieutenant: Here's your coffee, sir.

Sakazuki (taking the cup and sipping): It's gonna be a good day, lieutenant. It's gonna be a good day.

Lieutenant (with a piece of paper): And this came in just moments ago, sir.

  • Page 3

Sakazuki (looking at it): A distress call from G-5? Who's "Wet-haired" Caribou?

Lieutenant (drawing his wanted poster): He is one of the rookie pirates who recently was seen on Sabaody, bounty 210,000,000.

Sakazuki: Send word to Bo-bo that we need three ships scrambled and on their way the G-5 base within the hour. And make sure he understands that he has to be ON one of them this time. Looks like we got us some bogeys. 

Lieutenant: Right away, sir!

  • Page 4

Meanwhile, back at the plot.

Tashigi: You have absolutely no idea where you're going or where everyone else is, do you?

Zoro: Nope.

Tashigi: So then what are you doing?

Zoro: Wingin' it. We probably shouldn't have left that snow chick behind. Oops.

Random henchmen appear.

  • Page 5

Random henchman: Freeze!

Tashigi: Anyway, we need to find the others.

Zoro: Yeah, hang on a sec. I just need to show these guys my favorite movie genre real quick.

Tashigi: Which is what, exactly?

Zoro: Slasher!

All the henchmen fall over.

Zoro: I'm bored. What now?

  • Page 6

Before continuing on, know that I have no shame in beating a dead horse.

Law: Vergo, I defeated you with split second timing. Now we don't have much time, so let me cut to the chase. Since Smoker saw all this and can't keep his yap shut, you will probably be cut from the Marines. And since that was all you had going for you, you'll probably be looking at a pay cut from Joker as well. Now, don't get split in two over this. It's just a slice of life. Are you crying? If so, cut it out and have a nice refreshing can of diet slice. At night, do you sleep with the shades drawn? How many was that?

Smoker: I counted 9.

Law: I will give you this though. You did look really cut with that Haki armor, but now you're just half the man that you were. Ok, I'm done. Smoker, please do not touch the giant tank labeled SAD. Just, uh, leave it to me.

Smoker: Whatever, let's just go.

  • Page 7

Luffy: I still gotta kidnap you.

Brownbeard: And give me back my men!

Caesar: Shut up you overweight useless piece of trash. Why did I even recruit a tubby fuck such as yourself?

Luffy: Hey, leave him alone! Haven't you done enough to him already?

Caesar: Enough? Mental abuse? BULLSHIT! I'm just getting started! I haven't even gotten to the racist stuff yet!

Luffy (suddenly right behind Caesar): Do these horns come off? I remember Magellan's did. (he pulls them)

  • Page 8

Caesar: OW! What the hell?

Luffy: I guess they're real.

Caesar: They're not real, you idiot. I'm a human, not a baphomet! I attached them with my special adhesion formula.

Luffy: You mean glue?

Caesar: Yes...

Luffy: And they say I'm excessive. So, this Shino-kun whatever guy...

Caesar: Shinokuni...

Luffy: Yeah, him. It's covered the entire island, hasn't it?

  • Page 9

Caesar: Yeah.

Luffy: Let me make sure I have this straight.

He runs through the whole plan again.

Luffy: So, my question is, how are you going to get the apple back?

Caesar: You know, I honestly never thought we'd get this far. Ever since Smiley ate the candy, I've been winging it. Shit...

Luffy: At least you're upfront about it. So how do we get off this island if outside is a toxic wasteland?

Caesar: Well, it shouldn't be all toxic. Vergo has a tanker parked somewhere on the frozen side. That would probably be the best way...WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?

  • Page 10

Luffy: Cuz I needed a distraction while I swiped this from you.

He holds up the den den mushi.

Luffy: Traffy, how's the Depressing Ass Smile room?

Law: Vergo's down, if that's what you're asking. Tell Caesar that Smoker and I say hello. Smoker had to run and do all the paperwork for Vergo's arrest, but he left me something he wanted Caesar to hear. I assume he's with you?

Luffy: Is the Pope Jewish?

Law: I don't know what that is. Anyway, his note simply says " Hey, Caesar, we got our hearts back. Neh neh neh neh neh neh, heh heh heh heh heh heh. You're next." He said Caesar would know what that meant.

Luffy: You catch all that Burpomet?

Caesar: Yes.

  • Page 11

Law: By the way, Caesar, that whole scuffle ended about ten minutes ago. 

Caesar: Which means...?

Smoker: Gotcha bitch!

He appears from out of nowhere and scissor kicks Caesar in the side of the head, sending him into a wall.

Luffy: T-raff, I enjoy watching nerds get beaten up as much as the next guy, but last I checked, the last infobox gave the ETA for the gas filling the building to be five minutes. So....

Law: Dude, time-lapsed plotline, DUH!

Luffy: Smoker, I gotta find my friends, but one of them should be along soon with Kairoseki cuffs. So until then, I want you to play nice with this guy and use your words, by which I mean the ones printed on the bottom of your boot. Later!

  • Page 12

Chopper: Hang in there, Mocha!

Nami: Stay with me. Tell me about where you're from!

Mocha: Well...cough cough...It's an island in the Grand Line....

Sanji (thinking aloud): Damn, everyone is so tense, it's got my nerves rattled. There's gotta be something I can the very least to lower the tension...but what?

Robin: Who wants to hear a dead baby joke?

Everyone: Not now, Robin!

Robin: With all that candy she just ate, it's a wonder she isn't diabetic too.

Sanji: Robin, does the term "bad taste" mean anything to you?

  • Page 13

Robin: You mean besides what your cooking leaves in my mouth?

Sanji (with that "I just snapped" look on his face): Mosshead, hold me back.

Nami: He's not here.

Sanji: Time to break character like a boss!

He lunges at Robin, legs ablazing.

Robin: Ooh look, shiny.

Sanji: Haaaaaaaaaaaa!

Robin: Cinq Cent Fleur: Pimp.

A giant hand blindsides Sanji, slapping him into a wall.

THE END. Sorry it wasn't that great.