This will be mostly serious with a few pieces of 4th wall absence sprinkled in.
Title: A Joker's World
Cover: Diviner Punishment (A bolt of lightning sets Caribou's lifeboat on fire)
- Page 1
Start at Dressrosa
Doflamingo: I can't wait until Caesar's weapon goes to auction. The turnout should be great.
Cut to a wide shot of the two old people playing cards.
Ushebti: Young Master, your 2 o'clock is here.
Ankh: He is in the drawing room.
- Page 2
Doflamingo: Good, I was wondering when he'd show up. Come on, Set, we're walking.
Set (the gimp who shot Baby 5) gets up and follows behind him.
Doflamingo: Excuse me, I said we're walking now!
Set: Oh, yes, my apologies sir. Ahem, (singing as they walk) I am the bad one, distant and cruel one, I am the dream that, keeps you running down.
Doflamingo: That's more like it. Heheh, soundtrack of my life, baby.
They enter the drawing room. A large projector with a phone receiver is set up to allow for video calls. A silohouette is seen on the screen, but it couldn't be more obvious who it is.
- Page 3
Doflamingo: Sup, B? Since you're calling right when I told you to, I can only guess what it's about. Punctuality will get you far in this biz.
B: Good afternoon, Joker sir. I am calling to say that my crew and I have accepted your offer and are looking forward to working directly under you.
Doflamingo: Swell, glad you made the right choice. You'll get instructions from my people in the coming days to finalize the deal.
B: Great. See you in Marineford?
Doflamingo: You know it. Later!
The call ends
Set: Sir, if you don't mind me asking, why did you ask someone like him to join us?
Doflamingo: Well, with Law about to meet his unfortunate end, I figure I could use another Shichibukai in my pocket. Also, I thought his organization could balance us out.
Set: Balance, sir?
Doflamingo: Yes. What better way to balance out our little freakshow than by adding a circus?
- Page 4
Doflamingo: Let's go back to the pool. Set, we're walking again.
Set: Without distraction, violent reaction, scars of my actions, watch me running out.
Doflamingo (with his famous "I'm a smug mofo grin): Hell doesn't want me.
Back at the pool, Doflamingo sits back on the couch and picks up the phone.
Doflamingo: Buffalo, Baby 5, report.
- Page 5
Buffalo: We'll be at Punk Hazard within the half hour. The seas around here were a little rougher than usual, which accounts for the delay.
Doflamingo: Good, now remember, your priority is to do search and rescue on Caesar. Kill everyone else as a perk. As you know, Vergo's already there.
Buffalo: Understood sir.
Doflamingo: And most importantly, put on your SCOLBA suits before you disembark, or you'll die instantly and be completely useless.
Buffalo: Roger that. Over and out.
Baby 5 (Right before the transmission ends): FUCK YOU JOKER!
Doflamingo: Cute kid, needs to learn some manners, though.
- Page 6
On Punk Hazard
Luffy: Gotta find Caesar. Damn this kid is heavy! Hey, wake up, Dragonosuke!
Momonosuke: Ugh, so hungry.
Luffy: Try transforming.
Momonosuke: How? I would but I don't know how.
Luffy: Just focus really hard or something! Damn, where's Chopper when you need him?
Luffy: My crew's doctor. He's a reindeer but he's also a Zoan. He knows how to transform and stuff and is really good at it. But first we have to find Caesar! Do you know where building R is?
Momonosuke: No, but this room I found a while ago had monitors in it. Maybe we could find him that way.
Luffy: Worth a shot, tell me how to get there.
- Page 7
Zoro: I don't see why we had to use my shirt and not your jacket.
Tashigi: Come on, we couldn't leave her there to die. And besides, it's not like you're missing much without your shirt.
Zoro: She's still cold, damn it!
Tashigi: You want me to carry her?
Zoro: And make me look weak? No way!
Tashigi: Then stop complaining and figure out which way we're supposed to go!
- Page 8
Smoker: It's hopeless, Vergo. You can't beat me.
Vergo: How cute, but I have Law's heart in my possession, and it's been so fun watching him suffer. I'll show you some more!
He reaches into his coat pocket.
Law (weakly whispers): Shambles.
In his hands is a keyring with a several keys on it.
Law: Surprise, Vergo. Mes!
- Page 9
He quickly puts his heart back in his chest as Vergo charges at him.
Smoker: White Line!
A trail of white smoke catches Vergo just below the chin, clothes lining him.
Vergo (reaching into his coat again): Well, if you're back in commission, then I won't feel guilty about using this.
Smoker (falling to his knees): Rrrgh!
Vergo: It would take away from the sportsmanship of the whole thing if I used your heart too, but seeing as it's the only one I have now, I guess it's okay.
He leans against the railing.
- Page 10
Vergo: So, Smoker, today's a lovely day to die, isn't it?
Law (also leaning on the railing): Shambles! Counter Shock!
The heart in Vergo's hand suddenly becomes a small coil of wire (oddly attached to the railing) and Vergo receives an electric shock.
Vergo: Uggh!? God, that's annoying.
Law: Counter Shock: Circuit!
- Page 11
He touches the railing again, which remains electrified, and the wire leads it right into Vergo.
Vergo: Rrrgh! Soru!
He separates himself from the wire.
Vergo (panting): I forgot how much your little shocks tickled. Heart or no heart, I'll still defeat you.
Law: Not this time, Vergie. I'm not the little punk I used to be. Kids grow up.
- Page 12
Vergo: Not if they're the ones here, they don't!
Law: Stealing my thunder and for the sake of bad taste!? That's it! The doctor is in, and you're about to be euthanized! Room!
He creates a room and disappears.
Law: So, you come here telling me your back hurts?
He appears and gives Vergo a haki punch to the stomach.
Law (disappearing again): I bet your back stopped hurting now, huh? I have another idea.
Two flying slashes come out of nowhere, hitting Vergo square in the chest.
- Page 13
Law: Take two of these, and call me in the morning!
Vergo: Rrrgh, enough with the doctor riffs.
Law: You're right. I am much more creative than that.
He lifts up his foot, forming a tiny "Room" on the ball of his foot. He then kicks Vergo in the face with it, hurting him as well as doing something else.
Law: How do you like that one, assface!? I think it's a good look for ya! (Vergo's ass is literally where his face should be). Oh, but you said enough of the medical routines. He kicks him with his other foot, again damaging him but returning his face to normal.
Vergo: You ungrateful little punk!
- Page 14
Law: Someone's in a bad mood. But I think we're forgetting something important...
Vergo: And what would that be?
Smoker: I'm still here!
Smoker swings his jutte and gets a clean hit on Vergo's face, right between the bridge of his nose and his forehead, knocking him back and breaking his sunglasses.
Smoker: White Net!
Smoke forms around Vergo, trapping him.
Vergo: Damn it, Smoker! I will not stand for this insubordination!
Smoker: Insubordinate this!
Smoker kicks him point blank in the face.
- Page 15
Chopper: Mocha, stay with me! You're going to get out of here!
Mocha: Chopper-san...Did I do good?
Chopper: You did great. Just keep your eyes open. I think I'm going to have to pump your stomach. It won't feel good for a bit, but it will help you.
Nami: Chopper, what can we do?
Chopper: Keep the other kids calm. Medical squad, you three stay here, the rest of you, keep sedating anyone who's still in withdrawal.
Med Squad: Right!
- Page 16
Robin: Chopper! Something's happening to Mocha!
Med squad 1: She's crashing!
Chopper: Damn it! I left the defibrillator on the ship! I need something with a charge! Wait, that's it! Nami, make a storm cloud over Mocha, but make sure it's not too powerful!
Nami: Ok...You're the doctor. Storm Cloud Tempo!
Chopper (tears in his eyes): Come on, Mocha. Fight! If I let a child die, I have no right to call myself a doctor! CLEAR!