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One Piece Encyclopedia

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683 Abridged

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I am doing these way too often.

Cover: Good, more people to torture.

Guard: So, where did you possibly see this child who probably might not have maybe turned into a dragon?

Girl: I looked into the room that only the grown-ups can go into. The one with the poles, the stage, and the music. We came on the same boat.

Guard: I see, well don't worry. He's not in there.

Girl: So where is he?

Guard. Somewhere else.

Girl: Is he eating?

Guard: He is doing exactly what you just said. Now, go back to Biscuits Room, eat some candy, and pretend this whole thing never happened.

Luffy: What are you doing, blondie?

Monet: Building an igloo! It's got ten layers.

Luffy: Women are such a colossal waste of time. Anyway, break time. You can't win.

Monet: No duh. Maybe not in a brawl, but perhaps you're into something else? Something with me?

She wraps herself around him.

Luffy: A woman is throwing herself on me. I should be hot, so why is the opposite happening? It's cold and I don't have a boner. I should probably do something before I lose consciousness. You know, you should go out with Smokey. You're a frigid bitch, and he's a heartless bastard. You two would be perfect for each other. Anyway, like grandpa always said, when in doubt, break the floor. Falling!

Monet: Ok, I'll give you points for creativity. But falling through here is a bad idea. Did I forget to mention you'll have to fall through the veil of wasps?

Luffy: Aaaaaah!

Monet: Past the connecting shaft leading to the main boiler...

Luffy: It BUUUUURRRNS!

Monet: Through the garotte wire mesh...

Luffy: Oh, god, there's blood EVERYWHERE!

Monet: And then finally into the basement where we keep the trash.

Luffy: OW! Hey, stuff!

Monet: Enjoy the climb back up, bitch! Now I'm bored.

Meanwhile

Chopper: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Kid: Ow!

Chopper: Oh, I'm sorry. Did that hurt? WELL TOO BAD! Man up you little meth-heads! What's this, pipes to the kneecaps? Get the jv shit out of here.

Kid: I'll set the summer sun on fire. I want candy!

Chopper: Wait, I just got my ass handed to me by a bunch of oversized 5-10 year olds. Oh, the humanity....

Other kid: Ok, shit stomp on Rudolph! After we get our candy.

Nami: Chopper, what happened?

Chopper: Nami, your boobs are in the way. That's better. The rugrats are in withdrawal, and I tried to stop them. You'll want to take a left here. Anyway, don't let them get the candy.

Robin: I'm on it. Big Hands!

Chopper: There's a girl who's resistant to the effect of the drug. She Is Legend, but her real name is Mocha. Help her! A pack of giant meth addicts are about to bumrush a defenseless girl.

Mocha: Down, set, candy shop, smash and grab, daycare. Hut, hut, hike!

Children: Blitz!

Chopper: It's useless to try and throw into total cover. Run!

Mocha: Oh, no! they got a linebacker to block any opening I had.

Monet: What did you call me? Just for that, you have to share with everyone.

Zoro: Hey, a flying lady.

Usopp: Told you.

Law: Welcome to my domain. Shambles Yoink!

Gets his heart back.

Law: Finally. My own heart. Wait a-

Vergo kicks him into the railing.

Vergo: And the crowd goes wild! Do you believe in miracles? Ooh, a heart.

Law: Aaaah.

Vergo: Law, you seem to be suffering from chest pains. Does your chest hurt?

Law: Yes...

Vergo: I know just the cure, applying a vast amount of pressure quickly to the jaw. So this is what you look like without a hat. Hat hair much?

Law: I told you...that you were in...my domain. Welcome to the thunderdome!

SHOCKAH BRAH!

Vergo: That tickled so much I lost feeling in my extremities. By the way, Joker has a new nickname for you, The Disappointment.

Law: Well, that didn't work as well as I thought...Vergo, my plan was perfect. But there was one thing I forgot. One thing I failed to calculate....

Vergo: You're a dumbass. And there's no accounting for dumbass...ness. Tell me, does this hurt? And that's pimp master V to you. Way to interrupt me, Smoker. I'm busy killing Law right now, but I'll get you next. If you could just wait a moment....

Smoker: I'm sorry, did you say something? I wasn't paying attention to the pirate who was babbling futilely in front of me because as the commanding officer of the G-5 base, I don't have to.

Vergo: That's funny. Hey Smoker, Ninth called. He wants his scar back.

Smoker: Yeah? Well Peeply Lulu called and he wants his running facial gags back!

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