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One Piece Encyclopedia

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682 Abridged

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I normally don't do two in a row, but I felt this called for it.

Cover: Yarisugi's "It's gonna be a good day" moment.

Law: It's good to be the king.

Marine: No! The shutters closed!

Marine to his right: Why are we so bummed out about the death of a pirate and a fraud!?

Marine: Well, they're dead by now. Who wants lunch?

Intercom: Repeating what I said earlier.

Marine: Black Leg is alive for no adequately explained reason!

Other Marine: The best kind of reason!

Sanji: Woman. Here are the other two.

Marines: Thank you for saving our comrades!

Sanji: Feck off! I only like girls! Feck, me leg.

Marine: Are you okay?

Sanji: Feck off! Why did your superior officer suddenly find something better to do?

Marine: That's not our officer, he's a fake. Right, Tashigi?

Tashigi: Umm, yeah, sure. That's right, a fake. Now to distract you from that, let's rescue some kids!

Vergo: Weeeeeee.

Donqui: Law has seasonal affective disorder?

Vergo: Yeah, he betrayed us alright.

Donqui: Giggle. Vergo, I'm glad you picked up the phone. Because I fucking caaaaalllled iiiit! So much for treating him like a brother. Too bad.

Vergo: I get ya.

Donqui: So, secretive ass darts room, huh?

Vergo: Yeah.

Donqui: Ok, here's what you gotta do...

Baby 5: You bastard! I said I wanted MAUVE curtains in the living room, not LAVENDAR! Death by fingerbang!

Donqui: Destroy the room.

Explosion happens.

Donqui: Lean slightly...You mentioned something about them trying to kidnap Caesar, right? Personally, I'd kill him. Dead hostages ain't good for crap. Believe me I've tried. But, he's the only one who knows how to make solid alpine drinks. So killing him would be bad for me. And inconveniencing myself would make me a target of myself. That's not good for me and just means one more thing I have to do.

Baby 5: OOOOH, the ultimate humiliation. Brought down with one shot from a pistol fired by a gimp wearing a top hat, after multiple failed assassination attempts.

Gimp: Wow, you tried to shoot a flamboyantly dressed man point blank, any liquored up hillbilly with a shotgun could have done that in San Francisco.

Big guy: Baby 5, what did you learn about trying to kill the young master?

Baby 5: The second utter humiliation, getting chastised by a circular flamboyant biker in a unitard.

Girl: Chomp chomp, I love this show.

Old lady: So, my sweet little young master, what're you going to do about wittew twaffy waffy? I look like one of those okamas.

Old man: If anyone stopped to think about it, us calling him "young master" would imply that there's an old master, raising even more questions. Full house, kings and fours. Lay'em on the table, bitch.

Donqui: I got some good news and some bad news for you, Vergelah. First the bad news. You're going to have to kill law. A schlep, I know, stop kvetching. The good news is you get to be as cruel and unorthodox about it as you want, no mercy for the nogoodnik. Woah, what happened? I just slipped into Yiddish there for a second. Weird. Ooh, look, a birdie.

Baby 5: Axe! Damn it!

Vergo: Want me to take a photo of the body with the camera I bought last I was there?

Donqui: You didn't buy a camera here, you bought a camel. You named it Patches, and last night it was delicious.

Vergo: Oh, that's right. Silly me. Then I'll go Van Gogh on him when I'm done.

Donqui: CC, Momo, you there?

CC and Momo: You know we are.

Donqui: Perfect. Watch out for Straw Hat, people near him have a tendency to faint. Everyone lied and told him it was Haoshoku Haki, but really it's his pits. Anywhoozle, I got a gal here that needs to blow off some steam, that way I'm not inclined or obligated to blow off her head. So I'm sending Baby 5 and Buffalo over. Once you tidy up, come on back and bring some salsa, because it's fiesta night. Everybody broker night, scheme and scheme until someone else dies!

Zoro: Tiny dragon more annoying.

Brownbeard: But all of B-block is on fire!

Zoro: Aaaaaand?

Brownbeard: If nothing's done it could set one of those tanks on fire and cause it to explode!

Zoro: Aaaaaaaaaaaand?

Brownbeard: The explosion could break the walls and allow the gas in.

Zoro: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand?

Brownbeard: If the gas gets in, we'll all die!

Zoro: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand?

Kinemon: I got this, take a seat.

Brook: No no, leave it to me.

Kinemon: That's quite alright, allow me.

Brook: No no, I insist, I shall handle it.

Nami: Please work, please work, please work.

Brownbeard: What are you doing?

Nami: Pretending to be a samurai. Inu, saru, hitsuchi! (I know it's the summonning jutsu, but that's the only one I remember off the top of my head. Sorry to all you obsessive compulsive narutards;))

Usopp: You mean ninja. Ha, women!

Nami: Raiton no jutsu!

Brook: Aaaww, I wanted to kill it.

Kinemon: Boob lady can use ninjutsu?

Usopp: All this talk about ninjas makes me think the universe will collapse or something, so here's an oldie with some stank on it!

Kinemon: Pinocchio can use getsuton?

Robin: Submission routine, D-7!

Kinemon: The other boob lady who hasn't done crap is also a ninja? I got the dragon this time!

Brook: Nuh-uh, I got it.

Dragon breathes fire.

Brook: Ok! You got it!

Kinemon: Stand back, zomboni. Firebend!

Brook and Kinemon: Icy hot (c) combo! Taste my foot!

Brook: So....Why do you hate dragons?

Kinemon: Our ride's gone.

Nami: Oooh look. What's that? Chopper in Monster Point..... And kids attacking him with pipe bo staffs....

Usopp: You wanna guess who started it? I can't tell if he's putting them in time out or out of their misery. Even better question, which side is on drugs?

Elsewhere.

Guard: Ok, that was a good check-up. Now run along back to Biscuits Room and have some candy. This idea is so Deadman it's not even funny.

Girl: So, where did that other kid go?

Guard: Hm?

Girl: He did a no-no and then turned into a dragon. Is that what puberty is?

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