One Piece Encyclopedia


659 Abridged

Now stand back and watch how a pro does it.

Cover: Disco lets himself go while practicing paper voodoo.

Marine 1: Damn it, the one on the right erupted first.

Marine 2: That will be 500 beli please.

Marine 1: Why does the base have to be on the cold side?

Marine 2: I got chills, they're multiplyin'...

Smoker: He lines it up, and boom goes the cannon ball.

Marine 3: How did you know we had to shoot that iceburg in particular sir?

Smoker: Oh, shit, I was right? I mean...Instinct, yeah...that's it. Years of experience. It also didn't hurt that there was a sign that said "shoot here".

Marine 3: Sir, you know smoking from a gas mask defeats it purpose, right?

Smoker: You know saying shit like that can get you thrown overboard, right?

Marine 3: Hey I just realized something. There's a huge fire going on, and the man who ate the Moku Moku no Mi is on a ship at sea.

Marine 2: What's your point?

Marine 3: Smoooooooooke on the waaaaaater. A fire in the sky.....

Tashigi: It's strange that anyone could send a broadcast from here...

Marine 4: Hey, toots, you do realize that snails are living beings and would die in these conditions, right?

Marine 5: Women, am I right?

Tashigi: Huh? What's that? You think that's funny? You think you're funny? Huh, funny man? Let's go. You and me, right now. No mercy kills. I'll waste your ass like leftover takeout! You think you're soooooo clever, don't you, smartass? Well then tell me this, are you still gonna be laughing when this ship pulls a Titanic in the next twenty seconds?

Marine 5: No...

Tashigi: Then stop being a dumbass and blast the bastard!

Marine 5: Yes, captain Tashigi.

Tashigi: That's right, say my name, you nameless Marine henchman bitch.

Smoker: Tashigi, stop ranting, it's time to switch scenes.

Luffy: Usopp, I told you to keep your Jynx in its Poke Ball, now it's gone and used blizzard!

Robin: Learning is fun time. Large differences in the temperatures in varying atmospheric levels can cause violent winds depending on how great the difference in the temperatures.

Zoro: We could swim...

Robin: Oh so seeing me scantily clad and glistening with sweat just now wasn't enough for for you? You want a frigid wet t-shirt contest too? I swear, when we get across this lake, I will stab you with my nipples.

Luffy: How about I ride on Zoro's back? I'll call it the Zorow boat.

Zoro: No, but hi-five for inspiring a moment of awful yaoi anyway.

Usopp: Alright, stand back you guys. Convenience time. Banana Boat and the Uchiha clan!

Robin: Usopp, you might want to try again with those names. One of them is copyrighted.

Luffy: And the other is from another series.

Usopp: Ok, umm....Boaty Banana and Uchiwagakure grass.

Robin: Good enough.

Usopp: Bow before me and my knowledge of botanical plot devices! Hey Luffy, bend over.

Luffy: Ugh, more yaoi jokes? Can't we get a move on?

Usopp (spanks him with the grass): Your fraternity name is Condom. What do you say?

Luffy: Sigh, thank you sir, may I have another?

Usopp: And now that we've gotten another movie reference out of the way, let's continue.

Luffy: To Ice Cream Mountain!

Centaur: Hey boaters! I'm about to rock a hurricane.

Zoro: Oh, hey, it's a centaur.

Luffy: You can join us, but you'll have to jump.

Usopp: Will you stop that habit of asking animals to join the crew?

Zoro: Yeah, Luffy. How dare you make Usopp point out that piece of character development!

Luffy: Why is he blowing a shofar?

Robin: Why do you know what a shofar is?

Centaur: Boss, they're on the water. This whole scene makes me look like a Viking!

Robin: What's that sound?

Usopp: Yeah, I hear it too.

Luffy: I think that's the Dies Irae from Hector Berlioz's The Witches' Sabbath.

Robin: I meant that thudding sound. The one probably being caused by that mountain with a sword.

Zoro: And the award for most badass shadowy outlines goes to...

So not Oars jr.: All samurai are swordsmen, but not all swordsmen are samurai. Too bad you won't know what I'm talking about.

Nami: Kids look! There is absolutely no line waiting to ride the Materhorn! Let's go!

Kids: Running!

Chopper: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!

Nami: Why are you so happy?

Chopper: Because this is the part of the story where I show how I've grown and developed my leadership skills.

Nami: Ok, well, where should we run to?

Chopper: Htf should I know?

Franky: Weapons Left, fist bump edition!

Shoots at the masked guys.

Franky: F#%k all y'all for leaving me hanging.

Masked guy: That prick, he owes us a door. No more kids means we can use the fun stuff.

Sanji: It's not fun unless everyone participates. As I walk through the valley of your scraggly hair, I shall wreck your gear.

Not masked guy: Oh no, we're exposed!

Sanji: Franky, do you have any sheep jokes lined up for such an occasion?

Franky: I'll admit, I got nothing.

Sanji: Really? Not even a wolf in sheep's clothing takeoff? Or a crack comparing us to the 1908-1909 Chicago Cubs?

Samurai: My torso is kicking this skeleton's ass.

Sanji: And that just raises more questions.

Brook: Ok, that's it. I don't care if you don't have a leg to stand on. You've lost your head if you think you can wreck my snowman and get away with it! Use what brains you have to leave before I get mad. Have I beaten these jokes enough to death yet? I have? Good. Aubade Coup Droit.

Torso ducks.

Brook: No! He figured out my strategy's one weakness. It doesn't work if you dodge it! HA! I can run away and you can't!

Masked guy: Sir, that warship is actually going to arrive here soon. We failed to calculate that it would use its cannons. Smoker from G-5 is on board. What should we do?

???: Hide. I'll disguise myself as a chemistry experiment. On what is supposed to be a deserted island, that won't attract any attention. Make sure to move the boats too. But don't rock the boat. Also, don't fight Smoker, let me take care of him. There can only be one vaporic antagonist!

Marine: If there's no gas on the island, then why was there some on the boat?

Smoker: Someone obviously wants us to mess up whatever they have planned.

Marine: So, how should we invade this building? Shoot the door down with our cannon and storm the place? Get a couple guys up on the roof? We need a surefire tactic to make sure we take down these guys.

Smoker: Hellooooooo, pizza delivery.

Marines: Come get the pizza and we'll shoot you down. Bang bang yeeehaw!

Smoker: Shut up it's opening.

???: There had better be cheesy breadsticks.

Smoker: What in the name of plot twists are you doing here!?

Law: This is my vacation home. Well, not really mine, I found it on Craigslist.

Marine 1: Law? Didn't he get his spot by sending 100 pirate hearts to the World Government?

Marine 2: Yeah, but I heard he didn't want the spot originally. He sent them to try and start an organ donor program. They just took it the wrong way.

Smoker: Move aside, Law, acting in accordance with the Marines and World Government, I'm coming in.

Law: Well, you see, there's just one problem with that. This is a non-smoking establishment.

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