First, I would like to apologise for my behaviour yesterday, viewers! The sheer lack of killings and the sheer amount of caffeine I'd ingested made me a little unstable! But don't worry, I'm back, and for a limited time only we have a competition! Send in your own recreations of the kills for a chance to win a prize! Just be careful with those spears!
Well, today may not have much by the way of killings but it still has plenty of action! TUI and Nada in a clash that lasts for hours, but ends with TUI too exhausted to make the final kill! Maybe spending yesterday working with Nada and even sharing a shelter for the night has made TUI go soft! I certainly hope it hasn't!
But the real action is with Pau, the blazing Spaniard of District 4! I confess, when I saw him light that hemp rope on fire, I didn't think he'd be using it as a weapon! He's still getting the hang of it in his fight against DSP, who managed to slip away at the end, but good Lord that thing looks lethal! You have to wonder if the fumes from the rope are having any effect!
The tributes from District 11 see the smoke from this fight, but sadly they're too cowardly to go investigate! Maybe they're afraid of singing their beards! The rest of the survivors seem to be still looking for resources, although Yume is so confident she sleeps through the entire day! That's a bold strategy, let's see how it pays off!
Night has fallen, but the action is once again starting to liven up! A lovely brutal fight between Nada and God Kuro, grappling in the dark - steady ladies - and although it took a fair bit of effort Nada smashed God Kuro's head into a boulder! He's left him for dead! Well, God Kuro might not be quite gone yet, but unless someone helps him he's not going to last the night!
Gourd, out of nowhere, managed to sneak up on Jade and spear her in her sleep! What a bastard! Jade, taken completely by surprise, was left to bleed out as Gourd stole all her supplies! Well, he might not be a gentleman, but he might be a winner, since that's the kind of tactics you need to survive out here!
And for the third night in a row, ASL spends the night with a strange man! Well, it's certainly one way to get people to hesitate before killing you, but I am afraid we're having to make this content pay-to-view! We don't mind if children see killing, but God forbid they see porn!
But the real shock is Pau! After starting a fight against Rici, the current top killer left alive, TUI jumped in and helped! But after a fierce battle to kill Rici, the blazing Spaniard turned on his help and killed him too! Strangled him with a rope ON FIRE! This tribute may have something wrong with his brain, but there's nothing wrong with his skills, as he jumps to the top of the kill leaderboard and eliminates District 3! This bright young hope of District 4 may just have what it takes to win this thing!
I'm afraid that's all we have time for today, folks, the sun is rising on another day of slaughter and I need a banana to re-energise myself! Will ASL's strategy pay off? Will Kuro or Jade survive their wounds? Will Pau burn out? And will you subscribe to the channel for all the action ALL THE TIME?! I've been your host!